...the Writers of Behind the Times...

…the writers of the Guild are on strike…and you can’t see behind the picket signs, but Alex Rodriguez is somewhere in there striking as well…and you can’t see behind “living in the now”, but movie and television writers are behind that…and behind the times man…as you noticed, my last blog post was on August 22nd…I’ve HAD BEEN striking since…people ask me what I’ve been up to…I tell them I’ve been striking…and they insist, asking ‘bout my aspirations of being a writer…what else have I been up to…well if YOU people must know…I’ve busy…balding…I’m an aspiring bald man…what else?...well, balding takes up much time and that is my aspiration at the moment…once I achieve this, I will get a career…don’t worry…blogging is no career so you’all can look forward to more frequent posts…maybe they might even be Daily…like Nuggets were meant to be…

...Sunday Mo Jo with a flow of a Ben Harper show...

…that is the best 40 minutes of music I have ever heard…now, before you jump the gun, or anything else one must jump in order to get their hands on Harper’s “Lifeline”…I am not saying this is the best 40 minutes of music I’ve ever heard…I may have made that statement because I’m high on sleep deprivation…or maybe the music I just listened to was really that good…I’ll have to take a cat nap (equivalent to a half dozen people naps…which is also the same as 6 naps, but humans like to sophisticate their speech up while achieving nothing really)…a cat nap to give more validity to this…I’m into music that makes you depressed while uplifts a cracker too…other albums that give this feel are: Van Morrison’s “Moodance”…and Cat Power’s “The Greatest”…however, those two artists and albums, I did not anticipate…Morrison is a musician that my father passed onto my brother and I…raise your Guinness pints for Irishmen…-“Moodance” was my first impression of him…and the same goes for Cat Power’s “Greatest”…on the other hand, I have been listening to Ben Harper’s music since I sucked my thumb…which brings me, a Ben Harper fan for approx. 5 years…I’m 25?...I’ve been anticipating Ben’s new one since his last one…not that his last, “Both Sides of the Gun”, wasn’t good…I’m just a greedy fan and “we want more Benjamen!”…the whole reason I’m writing this, other than my sleeping skills deceased, is because “Lifeline” delivered…it’s his best album yet…I like all of his albums, but I love “Diamonds on the Inside”, and “There Will Be A Light” with The Blind Boys of Alabama…good news is, I like “Lifeline”, after one listen, the most…there is nothing like waiting for an album and having it exceed expectations…that’s what my parents say about their child writing this…or what ladies have also said during yearly “Sarcastic Days”…this album, recorded in a Paris studio, was completed in 7 days, or one more day than a half dozen…so I’m gonna give this a week listen and write back hopefully to confirm this…how come the ladies haven’t called back to confirm theirs?...I’ll get back to ya in 7 days…the actual album comes out August 28th, next Tuesday…but you don’t have to look too hard to hear it online…BUY The Real Thing though…and there’s a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…

...excuse me...I didn't fart...do you have a permit?...

...I was on the street yesterday handing out flyers...flyers for what?...well, we'll get into that later...but I was minding my business and a police officer came up to me and asked if I had a permit...I countered that request by asking the officer if he had a permit...and after some commotion I did the locomotion and pulled out my permit...not my permit to hand out the flyers...but a permit I recently received...a permit that allows me to ask a person if they have a permit to ask me if I have a permit...the officer did not and I don't expect to be hasseled by The Man again...although, I think I made a friend and expect to see him at my Asian Delight Fantasy Draft...

...and the award goes to...

...every Friday I will be giving out an award...I know...I'm pretty excited about it too...especially about this first award...

Humblest Person in the World: Garrett Kennedy

...and a word from our winner...


"...Am I allowed to accept an award for Humblest Person in the World...rhetorical...it would be quite arrogant not to...especially since I gave out the award...if you've looked at my Wikipedia profile, and if you didn't, you need to get your priorities in check...for those that have, you knew I was expecting something in the form of an award...now, with me and my humble self...excuse me...humblest self...see, I make mistakes too...just not as often...me, myself and I...you would think doesn't need an award...but that's just farce-a-noogle...what do you think ignited me to become so humble...let me tell you a story...a realization of my shortcomings...and I'm not referring to the 3-incher...I was having a tough time...not like a tough time heard about in a blues song...but a tough time for a white boy college graduate trying to find himself tough time...know what I'm saying...yeah...but do you...my tough time and I were lying in bed...yes...tears emerged...and I was at a breaking point...another words, my point of breaking almost tipped like Malcolm Gladwell...but then...but then...but...

...then...I took my right hand out from underneath my pillow as I was failing to fall asleep AGAIN!...and planned on just rolling over...but I've rolled over before...and something in me realized it was time to stop failing and failing again...that advice is bullshit...I looked up to see my door cracked open more than a sliver...because if it were only cracked opened a sliver then I couldn't see the little light that shinned into my room...I would have said beaming to make this story more dramatic...but it was just the hall light...and that light doesn't beam...it just doesn't...but...any-Who?...that little light of mine made me realize I was going to be ok...not ALL right...but ok...and that's when I realized my shortcomings...and realized it was ok to have some...if fact...it made me realize that most of you have more shortcomings than I do...for instance...you people should be more humble...although, what do I know about being humble...rhetorical...thanks..."...

...Wikipedia Profile continued...

..the below profile’s creation began and was posted on Tuesday, January 30, 2007…check it out…or just stick around and read the work in progress below…Garrett’s amitions make it impossible to keep the profile up to date…this is what’s up so far…
Wikipedia profile
Garrett Dempsey Kennedy (1982-eternity; he’s timeless) – world famous blogger Garrett Dempsey Kennedy (known for writing his blog in Wing-Dings font so nobody can understand it; and therefore, nobody can claim to dislike it – because you shouldn’t dislike things you don’t understand) was born to parents John Anthony Kennedy Jr. and Rita Flynn “Rockin’ Rita” Kennedy; and has one older brother, Jonathan Flynn Kennedy, 26. Garrett’s nicknames include: “G”, “G-Man”, “It’s Not Gary. It is Garrett, which sounds nothing like the ‘T-less’ Gary, “3-incher”, etc. Born and raised on Maplewood Road is where Garrett spent most of his days, growing up in Southington, CT. He brought intelligence to Manhattanville College, and it was not the other way around – Manhattanville bringing intelligence to “G-Man”. Spending four years at the college in Purchase, NY, he graduated in May 2005 with a Bachelor of Arts in History; a minor in writing. He now resides in the Bay Ridge section of Brooklyn, NY, where he substitute teaches and uses the language of the youths to inspire his wing-ding fonted blog. If you can’t read it, Garrett says to get yourself a dog to translate it. Below are some words from the blogger himself about himself:

8/17/07“Let me tell you about myself…oh, come on, let me…ok, I’m going to anyways…I kind of like music…I like it a little…but I have a passion for chocolate milk and spicy chicken wings…I love spicy chicken wings…but I hate the runs…it’s a love/hate relationship I got going with the birds…I dislike people telling me their recommendation for Chinese food…I do subscribe to the “hate nothing except hatred”…but I can’t refrain from hating black men that are balding…I enjoy leaving others in suspense so I’ll tell you why at a later date…if you never see or hear from me again, just think of me the next time you see a black man balding…I’m attracted to eyes…and maybe that’s why I dig Asian women…and I’m sure they dig my digging…it’s just the way I convince myself the way they stare at me…and then run away after 9 blocks of following them…look…we just happen to be eating lunch at the same Ching-shi-wa place…and we just happen to respond to the same Craig’s-List AD about ‘for a good time visit us for NYC’s best Asian massages’…I do enjoy reading…not for pleasure…that’s what the massage was about…not for obtaining knowledge either…can I enjoy something without any bullshit reasoning for doing so…I enjoy reading these books really fast where I can’t comprehend them, but still can show them off to impress visitors…when they ask me what their about, I say, ‘Well, I don’t wanna ruin it for you…go to the bookstore and waste your money on the same book I stole from the library’…it’s a dog-eat-dog world…ask Michael Vick…look up his Wikipedia profile and you’ll quickly learn he quickly pursued at a young age to grow up and become a jackass…achieved…talking about achievements…I have a feeling I’m going to win an award soon, but for now I’m signing off…but would like to give a shout-out to all those who would like to give a shout-out…there you go and there I…’

"...adding to profile I am...I have an incredible skill when drinking soda out of the bottle to quench my thirst while not ruining the rest of the bottle by not allowing soda that visited my mouth to return to the contents left for the next person to enjoy...

...Sunday Mo Jo...

…I once got stuck in our local Walmart for a week…you know…this Walmart’s automatic doors were broken…and if we as Americans start opening doors again, the terrorists win…after a week, I finally slipped out when a misses opened the door in front of me, supplying me that automatic door…while I was there I tried on all the clothes in the store…jeans, sneakers, socks, lady garments…but what happens at Walmart stays at Walmart…unless of course you actually buy that crap they sell and wear it in the real world…crossing my fingers, waiting on my application to gain access into that place…some of you are probably wearing what I tried on…unfortunately for you, I had the major runs that week…tell Al Gore about that inconvenient truth…as I walked out the store, the misses, my automatic door, smiled at me and said, “Have a nice day”…and I responded, “Don’t tell me what to do”…then my mom told me to move out the house…yeah, I texted my mom to come to Walmart and open the door for me…I told her it was for the troops…she hopped in her SUV, going 90 on the main roads and 20 on the highway…my mom, better known as Rock-n-Rita, had declared me missing…she ordered our local police department, consisting of all my old high school friends, to find me…during that week you could find me in the local grocery stores on milk cartons…the chocolate milk only though…my mom knows I think drinking just white milk is racist…gotta even things out here…also find my picture posted on trees in da neighborhood…either my old friends suck at hide-and-seek – still…or they just didn’t look in our local Walmart…and this makes sense because I’ve always been known for being anti-Walmart…that’s why I try on all the clothes and hopefully ruin them…because like all you know…I am anti-Walmart and anti-sleep…shits just a fad…we aren’t in the 90s anymore…but I am also now anti-shower…well, because I’ve grown my orange hair out and now have dreads…which makes coffee drinking difficult and hairy…and there’s a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…

...Is He Black Enough?...

The verdicts in and Barack can thank his relations to Kevin Bacon for it...Presidential Candidate Barack Obama is essentially Kevin Bacon's best friend...the two have never met but mide as well have...now, we are all separated from Mr. I name myself after the pig food by 6 degrees...depending on what state you reside in determines whether it's Celsius or Fahrenheit...so, we are all at 6 degrees lengths of the Bacon-myster...however, Barack is closer and concludes the question on all American minds, "Is Barack Obama black enough?"...whether I think so or not...HE IS...I'd say let me explain...but major league baseball player Gary Sheffield determines this for the black community...maybe one day white people will get their own community...keep your fingers crossed...even better...add an exponent to that mo fo and keep your fingers crossed while overlapping the cross while listening to Kris-Kross (spell check, or don't because it doesn't really matter)...I will explain Obama's qualifications by paraphrazing Gary Sheffield...

"...the leg bone is connected to the...other bone...etc...just like we are all connected to Kevin Bacon...why does this make Obama black enough and if so why aren't we all black enough then?...if you're asking that question then you're not black enough...so exit the conversation...we keep it in the community...Obama is closer to Bacon than 6 degrees...if you saw a few months ago, Obama was politicing on 60 Minutes with his wife...if you saw this, you heard Obama joking about his children wanting a doggy-dog...reported a few weeks after that interview was that Obama finally gave in and purchased a puppy...it's so so cute...the ears are the floppy kind that you can't resist playing with...some claim Obama just got the dog because of 'politics as usual'...'these people' claiming the dog was bought just so Obama wasn't seen as someone neglecting his children...probably true, but has nothing to do with why he's black enough...the new dog has become friendly with neighborhood dogs in Chicago...Southside!?!?...in fact (check meaning of fact later), the dog has become best friends with a neighborhood dog named Charley...and Charley runs with the floppy-eared gang and one of the other dogs in the gang once took a crap on one of the sets of a Kevin Bacon movie...some say the dog's crap was a metaphor for Bacon's film...some people become clowns like a Mr. Garrett Kennedy has pointed out...so some do some really dumb crap...so some we can not trust...although, it was reported Bacon was the one that cleaned it up, essentially washing away that metaphor...so, as you can easily comphrehend...Obama's dog's best friend's gang member's shit was once cleaned up by Bacon...that's 3 degrees of separation...my wife and I aren't even that close...Barack Obama and Kevin Bacon are best friends...Bacon has been to a strip club and we all know like eating chicken, blacks are the only ones that go to strip clubs...both just aren't excepted in the white community that doesn't exist...HE'S BLACK ENOUGH"...

...thank you Gary Sheffield for clearing that up...now the only question left other than the ones they repeat for every debate is - "Is Obama White Enough?"...to actually get elected...Mr. Rogers was obviously the most qualified to answer that...the next most was 2 Pac...both of them have passed away...I don't need to tell you to pour out some...I am up for suggestions on who is the most qualified to determine whether someone is white enough...leave some suggestions and until then...try figuring out how white people can start a community...why one love when...two love.

...Sunday Mo Jo...

..."It is what it is"...when ya get older IT has a tendency to hang lower than thee that is slightly tilted to the left...put that in your notes, clear your desks and concoct a formula for this week's Sunday Mo Jo...you all can feel what I'm getting at here people...you all knew it was coming...and I now will make it offical...I will be running for President of the United States of America for the election of 2020...I should probably end this mo jo with that news...and pick it up next week...I know it's a lot to sink in...but this week's mo jo must go on...we've got a lot of work to do here people...and like they say, "it's never too late"...which is rediculous...so I'm gonna reverse that and "it's never too early"...despite "what she said"...many think it's too early for my slogan...but it's not...end of that debate...Kennedy's one and oh...and the slogan goes - "Kennedy 2020 - 'IT Is What IT Is"...is it not -- rhetorical...during all the debates and press conferences I will break out my slogan that is undebatable...not even you sir can deny thee slogan, "IT Is What IT Is"...it doesn't falter on any of the issues...the Iraq War?..."IT Is What IT Is"...our education system?..."IT Is What IT Is"...Global Warming?..."IT Is What IT Is"...Immigration?..."IT Is What IT Is"...Rudy Guliani?..."Well, him dressing up as a woman frequently confuses things, but IT Is still What IT Is"...Hurricane Katrina?..."IT Is What IT Is...and what it is is not equality"...Barack Obama, is he black enough?..."IT Is What IT Is...however Gary Sheffield has the offical equation on that issue"...a slogan one can easily improvise off of...like a Jazz or Blues Musician..."IT Is What IT Is Blues"...my campaign's theme song...if you don't like it, well, "IT Is What IT Is"...

"IT Is What IT Is Blues"

...The Iraq War?
"IT Is What IT Is"
our education system?
"IT Is What IT Is"
Global Warming?
"IT Is What IT Is"
Immigration?
"IT Is What IT Is"
Rudy Guliani?
"Well, him dressing up as a woman frequently confuses things, but IT Is still What IT Is"
Hurricane Katrina?
"IT Is What IT Is...and what it is is not equality"
Barack Obama, is he black enough?
"IT Is What IT Is...however Gary Sheffeild has the offical equation on that issue"...

Apparently hell is catchy like that blues number...I'm also working on a song called "The Song That End in Blues Blues"...I'll have it done by election time...and by then, even if you're not Ace of Base, you'll be able to "see the sign"...sign reading "IT Is What IT Is"...and IT is time for...and there's a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo...

...Sunday Mo Jo...

"...Saturday's gone...it's Sunday and time for some Mo Jo...it's also the day some be lazy...others admit sins to the big guy upstairs...we've gone over this before...I'm not sure upstairs has a big guy...whatever you believe in, be open-minded enough to think, maybe the G.O.D. is a hermaphrodite...and Jesus was the Original Lesbian...only explanation for obsession of the son?...son and lesbo you ask?...get off my pen...it's Sunday, and it's giving me that Sunday feeling of Monday creeping in and feels like it's time for another week of school...but for now it's summer and I don't attend places of higher learning anymore...apparently I'm as high as can be...I'm white and I'm free...as Martin used to say...so many feel Monday creeping in and it's time for many to go back to work...or for others, the safehood of the weekends slipping away, and you can't use "it's the weekend" as an excuse for still not having a summer job...so, for others, it's back to job search time...and as you all can tell, I'm very motivated for the job seeking process...motivated and optimistic to the point I'm already at the interview for "whatever" jobby job...however, I feel the possibility of the runs emerging from yesterday's Mo Jo...but the interview must go on...and they say wearing Huggies during mid-20s is ridiculous...I say they say ridiculous things...and say if wearing diapers lands a job that makes Moms proud, let there be a cushion when I'm answering the money questions:


Interviewer Mo Fo: It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Kennedy...

Me (non-Mo Fo): Oh, I am sure it is...I met myself 20 plus years ago...and I don't recall the exact date, or weather, or any corny-ass details like that...however, I assure you, it was a pleasure to meet me...

Interviewer: Oh, well I see you have a sense of...

(Cut Mo Fo off...show I'm not intimidated by nathan...who would be - rhetorical)...

Me:...I even get humbled at the idea of being in my presence...shake my head at the idea I've met me...

(Interview continues in above fashion...me flawlessness...well...during job interviews, the interviewer will eventually ask the interview-e to name one negative about themselves...I usually say)...

Me: My only flaw is that I don't have a sense of humor...wasn't born with one...however, the lack of one sense often strengthens another...I've got an uncanning ability to smell...and sir, you may smell like shit...but I smell terrific..."...

I haven't heard back from that Mo Fo yet...because like I said, I haven't gone on that interview yet...but we all agree...with the above game plan...who knows if I'll get the job?...Jesus?...but it's certain my below cheeks will be dry - Huggies...work every time...well, except that one time on that date...but we promise that'll never happen again...we'd guarantee thus...but there are no guarantees in life...we aren't sure if you people knew that...so we thought we'd put it in our diaper commercial...once again, this is brought to you by Huggies...enjoy dry below cheeks..."

I recently got an endorsement deal with Huggies...the diaper president is an avid reader of my blog...he liked my style and thought who better to advertise our product, and a role model for the kids too...and apparently...there's a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo...

…some of you ponder…and I encourage all except our present president to ponder…so ponder on, why don’t you?...well, maybe you have like 50 voices going on inside your head like Georgie Boy does, and can’t quite make sense of…well…anything…but some of you are pondering on as if you were a Ponderosa employee of thy month…which has to be an instant boner to the self-esteem machine…a boner to the self-esteem machine similar to that boner to the imagination station…keep on, keep on ponderin’…I’ll get to thy point…

…some of you are pondering where I get this stuff…-“stuff”, a new word to my advanced vocabulary… where do these stuffs come from…or how do I come up with thee, your pondering minds may ask…well, me trying to explain it is difficult…I mean it’s similar the difficulty Richard Simons must experience when explaining how he came up with his work out plan…for his sake…genius…genius must be the only explanation within rationale…what if Richard Simons and Brian Boytano, the Queen of the Escapades, were in the same room?...don’t ponder that too long…because we all like the proper use of the replay, but don’t need a reply of last night’s dinner…moms’ spaghetti is so-so delicious, but not made for seconds until she gets up off her lazy ass and cooks again…

…no, but seriously…I guess I come up with this stuff because…we’ve all got to come up with something…something to do with our lives…this is what I’ve chosen to do presently...who knows if it’ll result in a career…?...the…the big hermaphrodite does upstairs…that’s who…she-he will reveal the answer someday…maybe soon, but probably later…so I’ve chosen to write presently…what have other’s chosen to do?...teachers, lawyers, accountants, doctors, such as gynecologists…gynecologists for the Florida State girl’s volleyball squad…either for them or an old women’s home…

…I enjoy living in a home…it’s home…it’s where most are most comfortable…so I truly enjoy living home…but I never want to be put in a home…it leads to playing Bingo and talking about the weather...but we’ll dissect that later…that and my accidental use of “hand-quotes”…I apologize and admit I should be locked up for doing so…but for now…back to gynecology…let’s keep this classy…

…gynecology…any gynecologists in the place…to be…to be or not to be…thee, not be thy question…for it to be a question reveals a lack of assumption that an answer is assumed to be known…while it be, to be, because if it weren’t, to be, then we wouldn’t exist and therefore couldn’t ask ridiculous questions like, to be or not to be…now this reveals that you shall forget that bullshit your white history teacher slash slave master sold you that there are no stupid questions…for example, you ask before asking what you want to ask…you say, “Can I ask you something?”…you just did…stupid question…back to back on track…

…any gynecologists here?...no of course not…because they are all at home doing research on child porn like Peter Townshend…what kind of pervert do you have to be in order to become a gynecologist…yeah, I know, it’s for the medicine of it…I…was doing “real” research…and it led me to the statistic that 87% of gynecologists resort to priesthood for their 2nd and final career…I guess once you’ve seen all the angles of the vagina, some wine, cookies, Jesus and little boys are the only things left on the to-do list…who actually becomes a gynecologist in life…or a priest for that matter…well, the dissection of the next question I’ll pose may give an answer for us here…

…referring back to the beginning of this classy conversation…talking about classy…2 of my old friends and I were getting, you know, fucked up, at a bar…we hadn’t seen each other in awhile so conversation was slim at first because we only had like 2 drinks in us…other than the generic…how ya doing?...what’s new?...me…oh, well, there is so much new that I don’t know where to begin…so I’ll give ya the generic nothing much…you know…just hangin’ out…so we’re just sittin’ there staring forward at the bottles and taps and bartender’s tits…bartender was a dude, but had the Phil Mickelson syndrome going on and this bar’s a sausage fest…so his chibbychongas will satisfy the eyes for now…oh, and it was an actual sausage fest…the food everywhere…it smelled disgusting in there so I had to use the site of anything to get my nose’s mind off the sausage…even man tits could be an attempt to achieve thy trick…keep feeding me drinks Charley…so it was complete silence for like 3 minutes so I decided to say, “Yeah, yeah, I’m a classy guy, yeah”…now they didn’t confirm…but they didn’t deny either…they actually didn’t react at all like they don’t to most of what I say…but in my book, that is confirming…I classy…my book’s on sale after…you read this…well, it’s on sale now, but don’t leave to buy it now like the last time…the bookstore is where you fuckers must have gone…ok…back to back on track…

…our conversation…how do people become or decide to become gynecologists or priests?...well, remember we talked about voices inside our heads…most people have 1 to 2 to 3…our president Bush has like 50 going at once…that’s why during press conferences he smiles after reporting more deaths in Iraq and tells us every soldier counts after emphasizing APProximately 3,000 have deceased…and now he is right…9-11 and Iraq are linked…

…voices inside our head…we all have them…do you people realize?...we live in a world where people and the voices inside their heads conversate and some where along the line, or maybe between lines, they conclude, that yes, I will become…

…become a clown…what exactly did your mother do so wrong to make you hate her so much for you to become a clown?...look…in the off season, I do porn flicks…but my mom understands…every actor has to start somewhere…and my mom supports that…but no mom supports their child that decides to become a clown…unless the mother’s family was in the circus and she became a clown too…I actually thought about becoming a clown…but then remembered I do have a mother and rejected that idea…but while I was pondering clownhood, I wondered…what’s the market like these days for clowns?...I mean there’s a lot of birthdays coming up next month…and the month after that…I’m not sure after the next…but I’ll get back to you on that…at your kid’s birthday party…whoa…you mean you’re not hiring me to entertain the munchkins?...bullshit…no?…horse manure…maybe I will become a clown…or a priest…

…so there you go…if there are clowns in this world then concluding to become a gynecologist doesn’t seem that ridiculous…except at family events…how’s work going?, the answer to that is not what a gynecologist’s relative wants to hear when singing Jingle Bells with the little shits…or celebrating Kwanza with Joel Osteen, the white preacher that got lost on his way to the church, but now sells out stadiums broadcasted on Black Entertainment…

…yeah BET…I think this is a good transition point for me to announce that I’m pondering on about bringing back the underground railroad…

…hey Whitey…you ever think about creating a station called WET…you know…White Entertainment…no…why?...because that’d be racist?...well, BET certainly isn’t…I’m glad we covered that…and there’s a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…

...and the Clan picks up...

...so what do you mo fos think of...you know...the Clan (KKK) picking up Kramer...I mean look...what he said was wrong..."I" think what he said was not right...however...from the Clan's perspective...that's a hell of a pick up...no...

...Yes...makes you realize where "K-man" surfaced...

...Sunday Mo Jo...

...Forget what Bob saw...this is what I saw...


I saw a health club in the BK on top of a McDonalds...

I saw Sean Hannity interview MC Hammer and say he still listens to the mo fos' music...

I saw old friends that apparently went to Lifting College......I don't know the exact name for the place of achieving higher self esteem...

I saw a Yank's pitcher that ain't no belly itcher, but was better last season when he didn't wear glasses and couldn't see...

I saw white pee go down the drain and then I yelled out my name for a reason not apparent...

I saw a saw on a bar wall and thought it was time to stop yelling at the bartender for not knowing whom Larry David is...

I saw the word "was" after "David" inside my mind, but realized "is" was the appropiate mo fo for this time...
...he still exists...

I saw in the same bar a canon that made the canon of canons...
...told it gradulations...

I saw a possible mispelled word, but Webster, the little black kid, is a-sleepin'...
...so stop ya complainin'
...this ain't no spelling bee...

I saw only one white man that was truly free and there happen to be a mirror in front of me...

I saw a lovely misses, but when awoke realized she ain't one...
...or has an odd formula for when IT pisses...
...mistaken for tail...

I saw a woman with only one hooter, a man with three and asked him to subtract and not be so full of greed...
...he peed on my new Timberlands...

I saw a musician whose face looked like wrinkled rubber so I wonder why they don't show that for drug education...
...how's that war going
...against your own family members or friends?...ridiculous...

I saw a bucket of KFC and suddenly the realization came upon me how easily a black person could get offended for assumption of the want to eat it...

I saw a pile of books, decided to give my cheeks a few looks...
...sat on 'em and that's why me wiseass...

I saw a woman on the 2-train and received an instant chubby...

I saw a woman on the R-train and received a sudden replay of last nights dinner...
...but a mo fo gotta go that-a-way
...I guess I gotta get use to spittin' up in my own...

I saw that same woman, she now curls her stash like Mr. Fingers.......somebody get her a BIC...and someone else get Phil Mic a better fit on that "Bro"...

I saw you staring right here and I gotta say so that that was quite the dose of the jo...

...and there's a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo...

...Sunday Mo Jo...

This Sunday's Mo Jo has led me to the dissection of the word “Dude”...read on...it's quite fascinating...

According to Webster, the little black kid’s book of words, the word “dude” means:

1. a man extremely fastidious in dress and manner
2. a city dweller unfamiliar with life on the range
3. fellow; guy; sometimes used informally as address (hey, dude, what’s up?).


These definitions are all well and good…but…when hearing the word “dude” we all have pictures of certain people that pop into our head…let’s dissect what a dude really is…Webster, the little black kid…not a dude…
First off, being a dude is not necessarily a diss or a compliment…I don’t make up the rules…I guess it depends on the circumstance…see Kramer is a dude…which is a compliment…well…until he joined the clan and now apologetic white guys don’t want to be dudes anymore…Comedian Lisa Lampanelli, a dude…now for most females being referred to as a dude would destroyed their self-esteem and they’d resort back to their stripping days, but they no longer can use the excuse they’re paying for college and are a single mother…however, Lisa would laugh and take this as a compliment because she’s one of the funniest dudes around…

…who else is a dude?...

Sean Penn, a dude…however, Sean the actual Human (with a capital silent “H”) is not a dude…Sean Penn played a dude in the movie Fast Times at Ridgmont High…this character he played is not a dude just because he’d say “dude”…but like Webster’s definition, it has to do with the way he dressed and wore his hair; his whole body language…
Steve da Bod, a dude…not known to all blog readers…a college friend of my pops…this dude doesn’t drink, but takes off his shirt and dances at friend’s 40th birthday parties…you’re a dude if this is the case…compliment or diss?...well, he’ll take it as a compliment…he’s a dude…picture not available...this site keeps its' shirt on...hopefully our next dude candidate will keep its' shoes on...

Mr. Rogers, a dude…we’ve talked about him before…quite a different kind of dude than da Bod and Sean Penn’s character…a dude always-the-less in Rogers' case…imagine black people watching this guy…they’d say, “this white dude crazy”…

Randy Johnson, a dude…a dude when with the mustache though…on the Yankees he was no dude…don’t mistaken the rocking of thee stash as an automatic dude qualification…Jeopardy Host Alex Trebek has stash but he ain’t no dude…

Johnny Damon, a dude…always been and always will be a dude…he’s just got that dude in him…I’m an occasional underground reporter for the Yankees and I heard him ponder, “Was Jesus a dude? I think yes”...

Stiffler, a dude…the character from American Pie…we all agree he got screwed out of an Oscar on that one…
Rosie O’Donnell, a dude…well, to say she’s a dude overall is just too easy…more specifically she was a dude in the movie A League of Their Own…she certainly is and I’m guessing she agrees that a dude is living on top of Donald Trumps head…

Kenny Mayne, a dude...ESPN personality has had many dude moments over his reporting years...a memorable quote he used to use when reporting on homeruns, "taste like chicken"...I like any dude that mixes sports and chicken...he kind of resembles a more original Stifler...Kenny Manye...more like Kenny the Man...keep up the good work dude...

Thomas Haden Church, a dude…a dude’s dude…know what I’m saying dude…I mean this guy played the dude character in the sitcom Wings…and the character he played in the classic comedy Sideways actually ignited my whole debate of whom is a dude…some mo fos are debatable dudes…nobody can waver, not even Webster, on whether Thomas Haden Church is a dude…

...not many can out dude this mo fo...Thomas Hayden Church is also a mo fo, but that dissection will be saved for another dosage of the jo...more dudes will soon be added...feel free to give ideas on possible dude candidates...that I will most likely ignore...and there's a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo...

...Sunday Mo Jo...

…Oh yeah, you’ve noticed…I went cold turkey on that Mo Jo lately…I realized I lasted 21 of my 24 year hall of fame career without using the caffeine…well, at least from the bean…so why after all that time does a mo fo have to have coffee…it got to the point where I couldn’t function during the day without it…it had a hold of me…by the balls…and we all know down south controls the brain…it’s like a drug…um yeah, maybe it is…so like most, I’ve relapsed and I’m back for some more mo jo…please wait to applaud after I write down the key to life somewhere in thus here piece…so to celebrate my relapse of mo jo, I was gonna throw out some jokes that I came across while subbing tomorrow’s leaders on Friday…but I was shaving my brother’s back last night and that supplied him with much laughter…so let’s go one by one…I’ll shave your backs, and supply chuckles that-a-way…who’s first???...Charley???...oh, and I was joking about shaving my brother’s back…it was my girlfriend’s…and the word around Brooklyn is that the G-Man’s back on that jo…yet a little hairy this time around, but back nonetheless…in fact, all-the-more and just because your mom’s a whore doesn’t mean she should give all the whores bad names…they’re trying to get through college…the space between my…and my…gets a little sweaty at times…you fill in the blanks…which brings us all back to middle school…some of you still waiting to graduate that shit…back to Middle School for vocab tests, “Please fill in the blanks with the appropriate vocab word”…I’d like to thank the classmate that sat to the right of me…the one on the left put her binder around her test…this didn’t piss me off because I couldn’t see the answers…but more so pissed off my jimmy because I couldn’t see her cleavage…a look to the right, Garrett’s vocab is so expansive, he should be a writer…a look to the left, Garrett’s gotta do that tuck between the belt and waist when it’s time to hand his test in…and I will not stoop to the level of the corny mo fo that here would say I scored 100 on the test, but got caught cheating because Stewart to the right some how eneded up in the blank at the top of my paper…no, I won’t go there because that’s a true story and it still hurts…not the fact I got caught cheating, but my belt was really tight that day because I was going through a tight jean phase and my jimmy hasn’t forgiven me since…oh yea, he’s back on the mo jo and releasing unconscious private part jokes is what it’s good fo…and there’s a cup of Sunday Mo Jo…

...they must have known I was gonna be there...

...last Saturday, waiting in line for a special White Stripes show at the Fillmore @ Irving Plaza in NYC...the show is probably still going on now, Tuesday June 19th, the day of their new release, Icky Thump...I'll give my reaction to Mr. Icky at a later day...for good music can grow on a mo fo...but below is video of that line I would soon be in...enjoy...my ass is still suffering from sittin n waitin...and my soul is hurt that I did not get a ticket...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkESxqMG_4g

...Cat Kisses...anywhere you can get some...

http://pets.yahoo.com/blog/catbehavior/14/can-kitties-kiss-just-look-into-their-eyes/

...ozone?...what about my zone?....

…I’ve completely lost my zone…my sleeping zone…I used to have a zone…we all have this…or had it…it’s similar to the zone Jordan got in when he couldn’t miss…the sleeping zone is when all positions are comfortable…I could have my legs in the air and sleep tight if I were in that zone…but nope…I’ve completely lost my zone…I knew this a long time ago…but was just in denial…this morning I came to grips…whatever that means…came to grips when I couldn’t fall asleep from 2:30 AM to 5:30 AM…I had awakened to take an unexpected crap at 2:27…finished that shit in 3 minutes…there was nothing flat about it…so I went back to bed with a feeling of accomplishment…but 3 freaking hours later I was still awake…I looked over to my brother...yes he sleeps in the same room…awesome…it’s like we’re kids again…except I slept then…I was a nasty sleeper as a kid…could have won tournaments…I looked over at my brother…the nerve he’s got…he’s lying on his back, both hands are behind his head, and he’s playing the nose trumpet that sounds like an elementary school kid, that ain’t in the Special and Talented Program, wailing away, practicing “Mary Had A Little Lamb” for the upcoming recital…the performing blew massive cookie chunks…but he was having a ball…he was in his zone…what a dick…

…I admit I was jealous…so I started smacking the wall, yelling, “Shut the fuck up”…I took his snoring as a personal insult…he knew I wasn’t in the zone and wanted to rub it in…there is no solo trumpet in that fucking lamb song…

…have you noticed…and if you haven’t…you should have…people get mad at others for stuff like snoring…like how dare he snore when I’m trying to sleep…another example is when someone really sets a bomb off in the bathroom…like how dare your shit smell so bad…

…anyways…I need to get my zone back…I’m thinking about putting a cooling device in my pillow so both sides are considered the cool side of the pillow…cool pillow is essential to the zone emerging…you ain’t got no cool pillow, that zone is not coming to fruition…

...any other ideas?...I'm game for almost anything...but like Meat Loaf said "...but I won't do that"...

..."If I had a dollar for every time"...

…a good wise ass way to start this post is to ponder how many dollars I’d have if I received a dollar every time somebody else pondered, “If I had a dollar for every time”…is there a formula to actually figure this out?...that’s not my goal on this here post…my goal is to be a wise ass…but maybe we will find out an answer…if I had a dollar for every time I was a wise ass…

…many people ponder this phrase…let’s dissect some of them…

…come on…let’s dissect this…geez!...

…if I had a dollar for every time I took a shit…

…if I had a dollar for every time you took a shit…who’d supply me with more dollars?...takes more craps…

…if I had a dollar for every time a politician lied…

…if I had a dollar for every time a soldier died...maybe I’d return the money through taxes and pay politicians not to lie so less would die…

…if I had a dollar for every time someone said, “I should stop drinking”…

…if I had a dollar for every time Van Morrison said “soul”…

…if I had a dollar for every time Puff Daddy…P. Diddy…Diddy…changed his name…

…if I had a dollar for how many people gave a shit about his name change…I’d get my lunch chicken parm hero for free at least…

…if I had a dollar for every time a mo fo thanked God first for an award just received…

…if I had a dollar for every time an athlete thanked God for today’s victory…

…if I had a dollar for every time an athlete blamed God for today’s loss…

…if I had a dollar I could buy one thing off McDonalds’ dollar menu, add pounds and
rationalize that as being patriotic…

…if I had a dollar for every time I heard the N-word in that Brooklyn high school the day I told a class to “sit the fuck down”…

…if I had a dollar for every time that high school called me to substitute after that comment…

…if I had a dollar for every time I rolled over in bed last night…it would be much dollars y’all…and I probably lost those dollar menu pounds too…unpatriotic…

…if I had a dollar for every time Georgie Bush smiled during a speech about tragic circumstances…

…if I had a dollar for every chicken wing I’ve eaten…considering I might turn into a chicken I eat so much of it…that’ll be a lot of dollars…

…if I had a dollar for every time Oprah’s weight fluctuated…

...forever be adding to this...

...Sunday Mo Jo...

…get the broom out for cleanin’ apartment after I drink this here Mo Jo…and Met fans are doing the same as they prepare for Sunday’s sweep of the Yanks…not as thirsty as other Sundays, but I am thirsty for seeing the Yanks at least play respectable baseball…talkin’ ‘bout respect, you can’t handle respect…I think that’s how it goes…respect isn’t something Aretha Franklin would get from Roger Clemens if she were a Yankee…defending Roger Clemens for not going on road trips with the team when he’s not pitching is like defending Allen Iverson for not showing up for practice…no, Tiger Woods doesn’t show up for every tournament…but he doesn’t have teammates…George Bush only shows up when he pitches too…but when he doesn’t show up, things get done, progress is made…when he shows up for speeches and such, he increases his status as the worst president ever…however, Roger Clemens is one of the best pitchers ever…so if he’s claiming it’s all about his Yankee troops, then he’d be there every game…but that’s not the case…he ain’t got no respect for the pinstripes…not Torre, not Rivera…or Jeter, and not the history…unfortunately, as a Yanks fan, I want to see Jeter and company…wait…I mean, I want to see the Yankees win another World Series…so when Roger is on the mound, I will be rooting…not a great Mo Jo here…but it’ll do the job as far as washing down my supper…a large chocolate milkshake and large fry from McDonalds…I was sitting there…no…there…and the craving for ice cream and salty potatoes emerged…so I satisfied that craving, came back from Donald’s shack, and watched the Yankees avoid the broom…for the future, I promise I will avoid that trend called sleeping…for the sake of better Mo Jos…but for now I’m gonna pound what has turned into a salty shack, and finish this Sunday’s Mo Jo…

...a blogsters BEEF with USA Today article...

…I jotted the following down on 5/17/07 (that was Thursday and was to remind me to do something:

- remember to mock USA Today article about “7th Heaven” (USA Today 11A)…below is the article...enjoy...

Slice of 'Heaven' on TV provided lessons, soothed souls

It's about time 7th Heaven got some media attention. The show began when I was in second grade. Now I am about to graduate from high school. Through the years, the show has guided me with its true-to-life plots. Unfortunately, I don't think enough viewers gave the show a chance while it was still on TV (" '7th Heaven' says amen after record 11 years," Life, Friday). My family was drawn to the show because it mirrored our lives so well. Believe it or not, there are parents out there who are still married and they don't get divorced or have affairs. While so many other television shows portray disinterested or self-absorbed parents, 7th Heaven dared to be different. The parents on the show — the Rev. Eric and Annie Camden, who were portrayed wonderfully by Stephen Collins and Catherine Hicks — were like real parents. They punished their kids for lying, breaking curfews and getting bad grades. And oddly enough, at times 7th Heaven even got more viewers than the WB's One Tree Hill with its scandalous plots and childish parental antics. While some criticized the show for being too preachy, all 7th Heaven did was try to encourage people to do the right thing. Instead of being like every other show filled with violence, sex and drugs, 7th Heaven tackled issues such as voting in elections, the Taliban's treatment of women before 9/11, bullying and countless other important topics. I learned a lesson from every show. It is unfortunate that 7th Heaven did not get a lot of critical acclaim — not because I believe it should have stayed on television forever, but because I think many viewers would have gotten a lot out of it had they given it a chance. Perhaps, they'll watch it in syndication.

Melissa Marie Sneed
Kingsport, Tenn.
Page 11A


…I couldn’t agree more with senior high schooler Melissa Marie Sneed of Kingsport Tennessee…I wonder what kids of that town do for fun…and you knew I would agree…please scroll down, or find link, to April 15th Sunday Mo Jo...has little snippet about me raving about "7th Heaven"...enjoy...not only should more kids be watching this show, but more parents should…the Camden parents know parenthood isn’t easy…tell me about it…finding Bin Laden is impossible…I can’t even find my kid…creatin’ some heavy duty baby-momma drama….believe that…However, they Camdens pull through and always figure out how to direct their children’s lives by the end of each episode…talk about reality television…if only real parents would write scripts for their children to follow…this generation being born into a world when the “Real World” already existed, and grew up believing that was the real world their parents told them to “just wait for”…if “7th Heaven” isn’t an exact reflection of all American lives the I don’t know what is…just ask New Orleans’ citizens (not refugees…or fugees, Steven Col-bert)…and I know what you people are thinking …I know…you’re thinking if this blogster doesn’t resemble Martin Luther King Jr. then I don’t know who does…Rev. Martin, Rev. Camden (daddio from 7th Heaven) and Rev. Run have been absorbed into this here blog like osmosis…and I suggest we force our democracy to watch “7th Heaven” after the pledge of allegiance, “under God”, every morning and every night before we take a nap for the night…then “7th Heaven” is osmosisized and America can become a reflection of what it already is and if there is a mirror across America there is no doubt we would see the Camden family…tell me that picture above isn't what New Orleans' families were doing before Katrina...

...above the USA Today article about “7th Heaven” is a comic about our new war czar entering the “War Room” that resembles a teenagers bedroom their mom is yelling at to clean up or they won’t be able to go see the new Spiderman…it’s a mess in case that metaphor sucked…and I think that room is a better reflection of American households than the corniest show ever, “7th Heaven”…it doesn’t matter what race or class, or let’s even say country, all families resemble that room at some point…at least mentally…New Orleans speaking, physically, but nobody speaks about that anymore…however, all families try to hide the fact they actually have real problems…problems similar to those on that show…but unlike the show, we can't say cut when something goes awry…film a family watching “7th Heaven” and then afterwards acting like they just learned something, and then they’ll go back to exactly the way they were living before…now that would be reality tv…

...planes trains automobiles...firemen, astronauts, porn and clowns...

Career Choices / Dreams

…My parents always told me I could grow up to be anything I wanted to be…so I told them I’m gonna grow up to be a strong black woman…while all other kids were dreaming about being firemen and astronauts, I was dreaming bigger…and by bigger I mean realistic…no I am not presently a strong black woman…but I will keep hope alive…it’s an American audacity…ask Barack Obama…I’m guessing he’s still dreaming about being a strong black woman too…dressing up as one, Rudy Giuliani, does not count…but does spice things up…on a Saturday night…in Harlem…


…back to the dreams of others…which are myths by the way…who really grows up dreaming about being an astronaut…firemen I’ll give ya…I may have dreamed of that for about a week, but then the Ninja Turtles came out and switched the dream…that may still come true too…but nobody dreams of being an astronaut…dreams do come true…I just downloaded 2 Asians…I’m sure that’s what Dr. King was referring to…dreams do come true and I guarantee none of you are astronauts…and if you claim to be one…you’re a liar and your pants are on fire…call the fireman to put it out…also, along with none of you being astronauts, none of you have ever met an astronaut…and that dude Lance from N’Sync that just come out da closet, and dreamed of going to space, he don’t count if ya met him…because the only place you’d likely meet him is an N’Sync concert…and if you’ve gone to one of those, well, you no longer count…that’s the only logical explanation for all those Al Gore votes in Florida…ya, so there are no astronauts…I’m not convinced there is even space…except if you’re referring to the space I fill up with this here revolutionary writing…

…let’s dissect careers that actually do exist…however, some of them I just don’t comprehend what went on in these people’s brains to conclude that they will do such and such for a career…first example being porn…who actually does this?...Yes, I know Nate…who is not great…but good…just because something rhymes doesn’t me you can just make up shit…I know Nate (a great friend of mine that can be great when linked to me) you dream of being a porn star in the porno bidness…but not everyone can start in the underground, rise to having classy action with that blond and then become the head coach of the professional basketball team, the Miami Heat…porn name Ron Jeremy…coach name Stan Van Gundy…same soul…and I know Jimmy Valvano said to never give up…but he never met you Nate and if he had he would have immediately realized you don’t have what it takes…so…give up…Jimmy V’s orders…plus, I think I answered my own question…the only people that actually go into porn are those that don’t have parents…especially mothers…how would you possibly show up to family functions?...although, I think the no parent thing has some realism to it…so I’d say I digress, but I ate like 8 hours ago so that wouldn’t make much sense and would most likely confuse you…think of another career Nate…you’re welcome for the look out…

…who the hell becomes a clown…unlike astronauts, clowns are out there…and there are actual human-beings under that paint and fake multi-colored fro…these people might even have kids…I mean, I’m a world famous blogger, and have a hard enough time getting girls…what if you’re a clown…what women are turned on by clowns…the big feet are fake…I’d love to ask a clown…and I’d have to ask very slowly…and prolly pause…a couple times to pace…myself for the explanation of, “Why are you a clown?”…like what the fuck happened…what wrong bus, pill did ya take…what did your mother do so wrong for you to hate her so much to make you become a clown…and many of our parents hire these loons for children’s birthday parties…can you picture a regular Joe Smo or Jane Doe growing up in a family like say – “7th Heaven’s” Camden family (see next post)…then going off to a respectable college, graduating and then concluding they will use that education and apply to the academy of clown…no you can’t…who even came up with the clown…remind me to stay away from the circus for awhile…that should be difficult…we will further dissect other occupations at a later date…I need time to absorb these questions…for me…I will not give up…but for now…Nate…give up…class dismissed…

...Sunday Mo Jo...

...this Sunday Mo Jo was written on Sunday; however, my moms gave me a list of things I needed to do before posting...she doesn't read this often so I'll admit I didn't do the list...yet...

…Mother’s Day…free beer…beer shits…false alarm…but the trumpet was a playin’…Miles Davis would have been proud…as we are of our mother’s…great transition I do agree…this Mo Jo is dedicated to the mothers…put away your Halmarks…despite what your card says, my momma is the best in the world-n-of all time…check Wikipedia…it’s a fact…but I write this Mo Jo not only to thank my mom, but to thank the mom of our hostess of the restaurant we dinned at for Mother’s day dinner…I thank the mother for creatin’ such a scrumptious hostess…well worth the 35 buck meals we all had…35 bucks for an entrée…yeah, that is fair…and balanced…the hostess was all the dessert I needed…I even went back for seconds after the rest of the FAM went back to Connecticut…the hostess was done with work and was about to leave…but then she saw me so stayed for a drink…at the other end of the bar…we played some pick-a-boo…or maybe she was just wondering why I was staring at her…however, at this point I’ve convinced myself she is the one doing the staring…I don’t mind though…there are mirrors in this world…I’ve seen this face…welp…this is what females do to ya…stop asking me about a career…my only goal right now is to achieve a girlfriend…so until I achieve this you can forget about the career…because like they say…there is always a woman behind a great man…tell that to Massachusetts…and I do agree with y'all that I am pretty damn fooking awesome...but I'm not great...like that Tiger...yet...not until a woman is behind me...in conclusion, it would only be selfish if this hostess didn’t accept my offer for a drink at the bar she works at and could get for free…by the next Mo Jo we will find out if she is selfish…wouldn’t mind sharing a cup of Sunday Mo Jo with her…now that certainly isn’t selfish…this mo jo sucks…I blame the mother’s for THEIR day…but I think I’ll keep mine…Mom…thanks for all the groceries…but you forgot the sugar…and there’s a cup of sugarless Sunday Mo Jo…

...Sub-athon continues...

…Met a first grader named Jihad today…maybe it’s me, but that’s too early to declare holy war…age limit should be 10 years old…they should also put a maximum on that shit…the oldest you can be to declare holy war is 60 years old…because by then you will have realized religion just isn’t all that worth dying for…you should realize this before 60…but we have to add into account that many get involved in drugs, go to rehab, get out, go back, get out, stop looking for Waldo and the search for Jesus begins…go back, find Jesus because that’s where SHE (how clever!) likes to kick in on the daily…Jesus achieved the program on water…you can see it on YouTube now…Jesus walks 12 steps, etc…enjoy…find Jesus, get out and go on Oprah, get a standing ovation…all that will add some years to the postponement of realizing religion is overrated…overrated chant - - Overrated! Overrated!...Now, I didn’t say Jesus was overrated…I love that fucking guy…anyways, Jihad was not a quality sprinter today during our recess relay race where the kids just kept running and running so you couldn’t tell which team was winning…we also played one of their favorites – “Steal the Bacon”…which I first told the kids we couldn’t play because it promotes stealing…so, I suggested we change “Steal the Bacon” games’ name to “Catch the Bacon”…and they agreed as they yelled, “Yes, he said we can play ‘Let’s Steal the Bacon’”…we got in from extra recess that I said no to but they said please and I said no…so we stayed out for extra recess…got back to class for some silent reading which they do aloud, but to themselves so they elementary rationalize it as silent reading…I chose to take a look at an old classic, Corduroy…I was reading it, ya know, getting piece of mind…and a student told me, “That book is so easy”…I tried to explain to him that Corduroy wasn’t exactly my present reading material…but he wasn’t having it…another student was pretending to read Nate the Great and the Missing Key by Majorie Weinman Sharmat…now this here is just straightforward propaganda…I know Nate…I fucking love the kid…and don’t get me wrong…he is good…but Nate is not great…he’s actually pretty average…Now, Nate the Great isn’t the entire title…it also includes - …and the Missing Key…maybe the key they predictably find by the end of the story unlocks the fact that Nate is not Great…but he is good…what a revelation…that’s where you’ll find Jesus…these children’s books…that’s how Waldo became a children’s book…another student was reading a book Hot Dogs for Breakfast or something like that…and I spit up in my mouth…and re-swallowed what I had had for breakfast…chicken wings…then asked the kids if they would read my work in progresss, a children’s book called Chicken Wings in the AM…they giggled and gave a “sha-yeah we would read it…shit sounds like the bomb”…I didn’t really have those for breakfast, but will soon now that my book has inspired giggles and soon to inspire a healthier diet for munchkins across the globe…they enjoyed the actual chicken wings I had for snack time…

...Sunday Mo Jo...

…Some say…well many say…that I’m a genius…my brother told me this the other day...I’m flattered…and just got a ruling that, yes, I can say flattered…I’m flattered but I don’t think so…I think that if I’m a genius then everyone’s a genius…and if you take a look to your right…well, or left…you will notice a person that obviously doesn’t qualify as a genius; thus, proving my hypothesis that everyone is not a genius, and therefore I am not one…people consider others genius…example being Bob Dylan…people have dissected his lyrics so much to the point they think he has the answers to whatever they’re going through…almost to the point that I think if Dylan were to say that he gets most of his ideas on the toilet then writers across America would be writing books while taking craps…and saying to themselves, “Dylan was correct…the toilet really does get that imagination flowing”…and I bring up genius because when drinking this here cup of Mo Jo, I can’t escape the mentality that I’m somehow more sophisticated when drinking coffee…Seinfeld broached this subject…how people drinking coffee always act like they’re doing something important…the difference between them and me though is that I’m always doing something important…and they I will admit sometimes do important things, but most of the time they’re just feeding their faces with a caffeine jolt…when I’m drinking coffee I’m either preparing to pass out worksheets in The School of Tomorrow’s Leaders or writing this here blog…and we all agree that both play a vital role in…everything…from the war on terror to getting lil’ Mookie the same educational opportunities as Timothy…from the North to South to the southern states we wish stayed in succession (Florida) and the ones we are glad that came back to the Union (New Orleans)…from the mother’s womb to the birth of a mo fo that writes a blog that revolutionizes the blogOsphere…from the from to the the…from the Bay Ridge apartment to the Café Steinhof in Park Slope where my bro and I tonight will be quenching our thirst while watching Spinal Tap, the chosen film for this café’s Sunday film…should be interesting…I’m pretty excited…and here the coffee will be away, but people in beards will be sipping brew and adlibbing to Spinal Tap, trying to reach that sophistication that they had thought they achieved earlier when they were doing their one important daily Sunday ritual…reading this Sunday’s Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…

...G-Man and as usually Civil Rights...

...I eat lots of chicken...so much chicken that some may say I might turn into a chicken...well, that is not only extremley corny (full of corn), but it's game...it's propaganda...and I won't fall for this...they used to use this on black people, but look in any local KFC and they're still eating the chicken...as they should be...it tastes delicious...so for now on when I'm eating chicken, I will be devouring a tasty meal, as well as, fighting for civil rights...

...War against profiling for greed sakes...

…People…and by people I apologize that you don’t know exactly who I’m referring to…but people, it’s a species, look it up in Webster, the little black kid’s book of words...people need to stop profiling…in this post 9-11 era, when terrorism replaces communism as the fear wand, people are profiling all Arabs as terrorists…and believe me, I have had Arab children in the classroom and they can be extremely annoying…their annoying-ness can reach extreme measures…however, so can black kids, and yes, man, women and hermaphrodites, can the white kids as well…now, don’t get me wrong…I am not concerned about Arabs…although, I am concerned about other profiling…and as stated many times – “A profile anywhere is a profile everywhere”…I think 2 Pac said that…if we allow the Arab profiling to continue, then this will justify the profiling of others…example being…all Jews are cheap funnymen wearing their Yamulkas as humor-caps…all Blacks are rappers that complain about class/racial issues, but are just as much to blame by bringing down their peeps with their vocabulary in the music…or…all white people are rich and greedy…now, this is the one that most concerns me…all whites are rich and greedy…this doesn’t offend me as a rich person - - because I’m not rich…or it’s not because I’m white - - because it’s debatable that I’m white…I’m whiter than white…I burn in the winter…although I do agree that global warming is a myth, a conspiracy created by the Irishmen, taking it out on the rest of society for their ancestors not getting any sun…no…none of the above offends me…the profiling offends me as a greedy person…I’m greedy and I find it greedy to think that all greedy people are rich and white…Fight the Power…I think Jesus, the original lesbian, said that…and…resolved…

...Valcano inspires overcoming stuck poo...

…Women complain about how painful giving birth is and tell men they will never experience such a painful bliss…well, ladies, I once had a gi-normous (not a big fan of that made up word either; however, it fits this purpose here)…had a gi-normous stuck poo…and as we all have failed at this before, I tried to plop the sucker out…I’ve failed numerous times – thousands to not be exact…only to overcome this one time by listening to Jimmy Valvano (according to Microsoft Word is Jimmy Valcano)…Jimmy said to “never give up”… I didn’t Jimmy…and I felt the turtle head emerge and the next thing I knew was that my ass was wet from the plop-age…I was so proud…pictures are being developed in the dark room as I write (because we aren’t speaking…I don’t like talking…to you)…it may have created some pain and some sweat stains on the shoulders of my new Randy Moss Patriots jersey…but there are more important things in life than wearing another man’s name on your back…that day I too gave birth…birth to a newfound confidence that I can overcome…and I will “not give up”…my therapist is gonna really appreciate this story…

In all honesty, rest in peace Jimmy Valvano...his speech at the ESPY awards is a truly inspiring speech, if there is such a thing... - - "That song was so inspiring that it almost inspired me"...

...Sunday Mo Jo...

…You ever pick your nose while reading a book? – grimy sophistication…nah, me neither…you ever read a book and then have trouble spelling the word sophistication?...maybe it’s because I shaved my beard off, but I have…and then after my brother asked me, “Did you know Ireland has become one of the richest countries in Europe over the last few years?”…I responded, “No, I didn’t know Europe still existed”…just in case I offended any Europeans, I apologize and will stop writing this here blog for 2 months…and I should probably go to rehab too…I’ll finish this Mo Jo and then I’ll catch y’all after 12 steps…which in my sarcastic world is approx from this couch to my bed…no alcoholic here…because I can walk from the couch to bed without falling on my face…other than that, it might have to do with that I don’t drink much…just give me some chicken wings…a little play on words with Biggie’s song “Gimmie the Loot” – “Gimmie the Chicken Bawk”…I am an addict for chicken hooter with spicy or BBQ sauce…this is exactly the direction I planned on taking this convo…You?...No?...Well, adapt…this is just another white man’s version of Jazz music…improvise…maybe I should improvise and come up with another way to wake the buck up on a Sunday…I need to be well rested for the back-hair removal surgery tomorrow…what was supposed to proceed that was a date with an Asian delight I met, but she canceled for some reason after I told her I’d meet her at 9 instead of 8 due to the surgery…if a girl told me she was going to have her back hair surgically removed, I would appreciate that…watching the Suns-Lakers NBA playoff game, and I’ve concluded that Larry King should show up and have a “shoulder-off” with Phil Jackson…that would be more entertaining than the game…wondering about the abrupt transition from back-hair removal surgery to a King-Jackson “shoulder-off”?...well, it’s a metaphor for life…all of what I write, all of what I do is a metaphor for life…I know…nothing I write makes sense…and that’s why it makes complete sense that I’m a walking metaphor of life….because life makes no sense…and that’s what all these Mo Jos are…little metaphors…the mug is “half” something…it is up to you to determine whether it’s half empty or full…I know…it makes no sense, yet it’s so inspiring…and there’s “a” cup of Sunday Mo Jo…

...lil sidebar with what to say when somebody knocks?...

...I never know how to respond to a knock on the door when I'm taking a piss...what are you supposed to say?...1 second?...which sounds appetizing...give me on more second which will give me enough time for last drippage and the zipper pull-up...but I'd also need time to fake wash my hands after I wipe that not-expected drip, that landed on the thumb, off onto my jean right ass pocket...a standard procedure...OR?...should I just remain silent after knockage?...and then the person that might have the urge to crap their pants goes and gets a key, unlocks the door and catches you mid-stream as you turn around and super-soak the mo fo...and now she...it is always a she that knocks to make an inconvenient embarrassment...some embarrassments are convenient...for example, when an Irishman is embarrassed, he can play it off as simply a bad sunburn ("but it's the winter"?)...the Irishman-struggle continues...and now the embarrassment turns into a convenient way of getting out of going to the beach...because when winter closes, the real sunburn emerges...so the embarrassment / sunburn duo is a combo that works for the extremely pasty people - my people...Furthermore, the knocker now turns the Irishman myth into a so-called myth...but walks away saying, "At least it's still bigger than Chinaman's"...

...I put a picture of Mahatma Gandhi because he is one of the most clever minds in the history of history...and thought he might have the answer to what to say when somebody knocks on the bathroom door...unfortunately some asshole killed him in 1948; I'm assuming he would have solved yet another problem that still lingers today...if only Marty Scorsese’s film "Who's That Knocking at My Door" asked the correct question..."What do I say to the person knocking at my door - because a cracker got a turtlehead ready to pop up/out"...You'll get 'em next time Marty...I loved the Dylan documentary...I suggest we get together and create a documentary on people's responses to the above proposed question...

...Sunday Mo Jo...

…Interesting…I was really thirsty last night…so I quenched it…only to awake this morning to be even thirstier…people have always said that Garrett fellow is one thirsty fellow…I’ll take that as a complement as that is the only way oneself can take that…before I hit this here Mo Jo, I shall quench thy thirst with some H20 – by Nike…the 12 year old workers make quality batches of water…and like we went over already, I’m extremely thirsty…my thirst has risen to extreme measures…so these kids might have to work overtime…gonna need lots of water here people…I quench people’s mental thirst with this here blog…you're welcome…I quench my own mind’s thirst too…my welcome…as I try to stay awake watching the NBA playoffs, and waiting for tonight’s Yankees / Red Sox game, I write this with enjoyment of the cushion spring digging into my shoulder blade, adding to the pile of boogies behind the big couch, and now I have an itch on the bottom of my sockless left foot…if it had a sock on it…or for short…a footglove…which is actually longer, but obviously more street = cooler?...if it had sock on, I could have added another line to the “Ironic” song…Alanis Morissette sings her soul –

“Isn’t it ironic?
I have an itch on the bottom of me foot
But I have a sock on
So I can still relieve the itch
But I will most likely have to go back for 2nd scratchage
This due to the separation that the footglove is causing
Between the itch and my pointerfinger
Equaling an irony so thick
That you can taste it along with that peppered on cliché”…

…the soul so effortlessly floods out to provide easy poetic comprehension that is also so effortless…your welcome Alanis…add that to the remix…I assume my royalties are already in the mail…no…already in the bank…in fact…I will bet my due royalties from the remix that my due royalties are already in the bank and therefore are no longer due…give me a second to check on the Internet(s)……Alanis?...it’s not in the bank…that’s unfortunate for you…because that means you now owe me double because I just lost that bet…I assume the doubled check is already in the mail…no…look…we could do this all day…just send the check sweat cheeks…and you thought you knew irony…it’d be pretty ironic, don’t ya think, if your cheeks were actually sweet…I’m willing to find out…let us meet...we could go over some more songs I’ve written and you obviously want to use them to get more props on the lyricist-cred noogle…it’d be pretty ironic if it rained on the day we were going to meet…no, I don’t think so either…don’t ya think…I miss my cat…stroking Cosmo’s extremely fluffy multi-colored coat is the only way I can truly quench this here thirst…here Cosmo is not, so I will settle for this here caffeine…and there’ a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…