Philosophy Class...or is it?...

All of you are correct by assuming I am a great debater.  What does it take to be a great debater?  Thanks for asking.  It takes being a philosopher.

I teach a philosophy class at Columbia University and debates often spark.  Other than the whispered debate amongst students about - how the hell did this weak black woman (referring to me) get to teach this course, this class dives into - the mysteries of life.  For example, let’s reenact one of our greatest debates.  As always, I played the moderator...or did I?


ME:  Ok, welcome to today’s class.  Let’s jump right into our debate.  I hope both sides are prepared.  Today is the day that all those years of preparing to be prepared pays off.

We’ll start with each side's opening argument and see where it takes us...I hope all of you stretched your hamstrings.  Let's start off with this side.

(point to left side and ask):  

What is your side's opening argument?

Left side:  Life sucks.

(Repeat while shifting eyes toward right side):

Life sucks…ok, and can we have your side's opening argument?

Right side:  But it gets better.

Me:  Ah, but it gets better.

(pause and act interested; then point to each side and repeat arguments)

Life sucks…but it gets better…

Ok, I’d like each side to repeat their opening arguments so we can really emphasize where each side truly stands.

(have each side repeat arguments; then say):

That’s interesting…life sucks…but it gets better.

(then have right side go first, asking):

Is there anything you’d like to add.

Right side:  Life gets better.

Me:  Ah, life gets better...Would the other side like to counter?

Left side:  But it sucks.


Me:  I have heard both sides and they are each compelling arguments.  Once again, we had:

Life sucks, countered by - but it gets better...

And then we had:

Life gets better, countered by - but it sucks...

Very interesting...I have come to the conclusion that life doesn't necessarily suck - but it's not getting better either...

...life just is...or is it?

Health Insurance for the soul...

Politicians lie.  We will see if Barry Obama lied to me about health insurance and helping me out with that bladder problem.  But, all politicians do lie.  And they should…because it seems to work.  They should run for office based on the greatest lie of all time - by telling kids they can grow up to be anything they want to be.  Like Barry Obama is in the position to tell anyone this.  Parents and teachers tell children this and the outcome is that none of them become what they want to become...

...maybe the opposite might work.  Tell kids they won't become anything and they will revolt like the 60s and become everything they want to be…because that’s what happened in the 60s.  That revolution really worked out for everybody.                           (peace sign)

Now, personally, I've been telling myself I won't become what I want my whole life.  Looking in that mirror I say, “Garrett you will become nothing.”  So far so good because I'm thirty - so my life is half over and I'm the farthest I can be from what I'd like to be...what I dream to be...I'll tell you what that is shortly.

So, like Barry Obama said – hope – it’s still alive...as long as everyone continues to bet with me...bet with me - by lying to me that I can become everything I want.  Because I know they lying...telling me I can become anything is a lie...at least coming from people like politicians and my family and friends...and the thing is, politicians know they lying, too...so, what they must truly believe is the truth – is that I will be like everyone else - by not becoming what I want...and so the “real” truth must be the opposite of what politicians truly believe.  Therefore, the real truth must be the politician’s lie…in this case…and so, the only way to interpret this is – is that I can become anything and everything I want to become.  It's like reality Halloween, everyday...and you may not think this is coming from someone with much soul...but one day I will become what I want and stand before you – as a strong black woman.  And not even a politician can lie and tell the masses that they ain't got soul...

...And that's what's up, Brooklyn!

Verizon commercial...

The only difference between Martin Luther King Jr. and me is that he remembered his dream.

Well, and maybe one more thing.  I don't think MLK ever wrote the below commercial idea:

First and foremost, are you satisfied with your phone?  That is what's most important.  Because if you're not satisfied then how could you go on with your day?  It would be impossible.  And people say nothing is impossible.  But those are the people that are satisfied with their phones...Verizon...are you satisfied?

Dunkin' Donuts Commerical:

People are waiting in line at a New York City deli.  It's heat wave season, which means it's iced coffee season.  People are just standing there and sweating - one of my favorite pastimes. One guy can't take it any more and looks to his left to the fogged-up freezers with all the ice cold drinks.  He opens up a door, throws drink after drink out of the freezer onto the floor until there's enough room for him to fit inside the freezer.  He climbs in and smiles in delight.  Camera cuts to another guy simply sipping a Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee - with a voice over - There's easier ways to cool off this summer - Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee, the freezer is in you!

Starving Artist...

I think about my life and what I've dedicated it to.  The most work I've ever put into something, or the most I've cared about something, was in elementary school.  It was during recess.  My classmates and I had to take one lap around the playground.  I had to be first - and was - every time.  Check your sources.  I am sure there was some dork in my class that kept track and still has the records.

I had to be first.  Someday I'd like to put that passion into my writing.


I've decided, after getting engaged and talking about plans of starting a family, to forgo teaching as the career path.  Instead, I'm going to write a couple poems every few weeks - tip toeing toward starving artist status.  I might as well leap toward this inevitability, become unemployed, and then I could squeeze in another poem or two each month.  This is also inevitable because I am not good at anything - other than writing - poems and a few funny observations.  I am a poet and a comedic observationalist.  That's what I am - and my mom and future wife, or ex-future wife, are going to have to deal with this.  They know this and let me know they know.  What they choose to not observe is that I have to deal with this too - more than them because I am - me. 

I am a starving artist.  Saying I am, followed by something, most likely implies I am that something - otherwise I am not and shouldn't have said that I am - unless, I eventually add that I am a liar.  Let's dissect.

I am starving.  Yes, I am a little hungry this evening, but millions of people across this world wouldn't even beg to differ that I'm not starving - because they physically couldn't beg.  These people are too hung up on their own real starvation to care about how I claim to turn wanting food into an artform -- nevermind beg.  The first part, starving, untrue.

I am an artist.  Qualifications for being an artist today have become as broad as the pool for parents calling their children gifted and talented.  I have not met a gifted or talented kid in almost thirty years - back when I met myself for the first time.  Kids that are forced by their parents to play piano at six months old and become so-called prodigies are not artists.  However, I will never forgive my parents for not forcing me to become an artist. I guess I'm at the point where I have to force myself - and soon - because that five year-old pianist is making me look ridiculous.  The second part, I'm working on it, pending.

Conclusion - I am an aspiring starving artist.

The Lumineers

First, they reminded me of The Tallest Man on Earth, then the Avett Brothers, the Felice Brothers, and Mumford & Sons. The Lumineers have elements of all those bands, but after about fifty listens in a week to their self-titled debut album, they are their own band. I realized this more around the tenth listen, but the point is - I couldn't stop listening.

Comparisons are great.  They are a reference when trying to describe music, which is difficult to do without creating your own Spinal Tap-like moment. Describing sound isn't easy, and I'm not going to begin trying to figure out why a genre is called anti-folk. Furthermore, comparisons are a place to start, so start with those bands in mind, and turn up The Lumineers' album to eleven - because it's louder than ten.

In the first song, Flowers in Your Hair, lead singer Wesley Schultz reminded me of The Tallest Man on Earth (aka musician Kristian Matsson), yet with a raspier voice. After the first three songs, the above comparisons stuck, and I was disappointed because I already have those bands' albums.

On track four, Dead Sea, is where the separation begins, and the album really takes off - becomes addicting. I am not a walking, or typing, advertisement for NPR music. I just find a lot of new music on there, and that is where I first heard The Lumineers. They sang the fifth track and their single, Ho Hey. In an interview on NPR's Sessions, the band joked they named the single in that order because they didn't want to say hey to a ho. Comedy may not attract you to listen to a band, but this single will. After first listen, Ho Hey may not stick with you, but...but it'll call you back when you wake up singing its refrain - "I belong with you / you belong with me / you're my sweetheart." Check out the video here: Ho Hey video

A band's formation and backstory of tragedy may not make you listen either. But, I'm going to tell you anyways. Jeremiah Fraites lost his nineteen year-old brother to a drug overdose. His brother's best friend was lead singer Wesley Schultz. Soon after, the two wrote songs and performed in New York as a duo. A move to Denver led them to the third Lumineers' member, Neyla Pekarek who is a classically trained multi-instrumentalist (allmusic.com).

If you were wondering, classically trained musicians search Craigslist too! And, that’s how the three met. Pekarek responded to the boys’ ad of them looking for a cellist. Her influence on the band is definitely heard, and creates a sound that makes me want to compare, equaling a much cleaner and structured sounding Felice Brothers.

The sixth track, Slow It Down, does just what the song infers. It feels like a blues song and adds more depth to the album. I pictured this fitting in well with the songs on Black Rebel Motorcycle Club's album Howl. This is followed by Stubborn Love, one of the album's best songs. It keeps building throughout, and ends with the band harmonizing a controlled scream. This captures much of what the Lumineers have to offer, and makes one believe they will be a great live act.

All these songs are emotional, but not to the point of nausea like so many songs out there (a la almost every song performed on American Idol). It is not rocknroll; more along the lines of the Americana genre. Yet, with all its emotion, the Lumineers still kept it a fun album to listen to, resulting in a beautifully executed first album.

Check their touring schedule to see when they play near you: tour dates. I will be catching them live this summer at Central Park SummerStage.

Norah Jones - Live at The Bell House (Park Slope, Brooklyn, Friday, May 12, 2012)

I swear Norah Jones has been around longer than a decade.  Maybe that’s because her voice sounds like it comes from another era.  She's thirty-three, but is an old soul, many say.  There's no doubt about it, she's got the voice, and she's got the looks.  I actually recall declaring her once as my future ex-wife.  Not her most glaring accomplishment, but impressive nonetheless.  It's taken some time, but she also has a presence on stage that's very comfortable, charming, and down to earth - all of which were exhibited last Friday night when I saw her perform live for the first time - "Is that really Norah Jones up there...twenty-five feet away?"

“I don’t know why I didn’t come,” Norah Jones sang, understandably causing a fan to belt out a, “Hey-oooo!” - at the thought of... Jones stopped the song to say, “I know what you think it means.”  That was Jones showcasing her sense of humor that she used throughout Friday night’s show at The Bell House in Park Slope, Brooklyn - "I live here too," she said.  This was one of her interactions with the crowd that was not seen in her earlier and much more bashful days.

Norah Jones is now on tour upon the release of her fifth solo studio album, Little Broken Hearts, produced by Danger Mouse (who?).  A star since the early 2000s, it is a rarity to see her live for only thirty-five bucks a ticket, and in a modest sized venue such as The Bell House.  If you were quick enough to jump on your computer last Tuesday at noon to purchase tickets during your lunch break, or simply chose to ignore job duties for a moment, then you could have been a part of the sold out crowd.

Jones performed mostly songs from the new album, but also mixed in some older and more familiar songs like Don’t Know Why, which includes the lyric above, and was the single from her debut album Come Away With Me (2002) that garnered her five Grammy Awards.  She now has a total of nine Grammy Awards, and is one of the best-selling artists of all time.  Little Broken Hearts was released May 1, and now is positioned at #2 on Billboard’s 200 Chart (Billboard.com).

Many critics say this album is a departure from Jones’ previous albums.  Sonically, she has shifted, much to do with her not pinned behind her piano like earlier in her career.  She’s playing some guitar these days, which you could tell at the show she isn’t 100% comfortable with yet, as she kept looking at her fingerers.  It’s still nice to see her try something new though.  Then comes the Danger Mouse effect.  His influence is definitely heard.  He has a producer’s touch that makes songs catchy, yet they are not pop songs.  Another example of this is his work on The Black Keys' latest, El Camino. 

Jones’ lyrics have also become more personal, and Little Broken Hearts has been declared her break up album.  On track 11, Miriam, Jones sings, “You know you done me wrong/ I’m gonna smile when you say goodbye/ Now I’m not the jealous type/ Never been the killing kind/ But you know what you did/ So don’t put up a fight.”  And, on track 2, Say Goodbye, she sings, “Well, it ain’t easy to stay in love/ If you can’t tell lies/ So I’ll just have to take a bow/ And say goodbye.”  You can sense a wise-ass, sarcastic tone in these lyrics, and others throughout the album.  Yet, there is some venom in the words.  Love hurts, right?  But, can make for good music too, and Jones has made another good album. 

When fans heard Norah Jones was teaming up with Danger Mouse, they rightfully became excited.  It’s possible they were hoping for that departure.  This leads us back to Jones' voice, and the fact that this wasn’t much a departure at all.  On all her albums, including Little Broken Hearts, her voice never wavers.  Her voice is great, and I heard my real future wife say, "She sounds even better in person."  This may be true, but wouldn’t many of you like to hear her belt a few notes out?  Maybe even yell once?  Nobody is saying Jones should be making music for her fans.  A better way to see it might be that her fans feel like her best work has yet to come. 


Jones was hardly a disappointment though.  It’s apparent she’s a professional, and gives performing her all.  There were a few humanizing moments too, and they made you like her even more.  She began a few songs, and stopped, “Why do I keep messing up the words.”  Then jumped right back into performing. 

We established Jones’ voice comes from another time; and possibly a simpler time when cell phones didn’t block the view of the stage.  That was the disappointment of the night.  There’s a hesitation in calling much of the crowd fans because too many paid more attention to the Internet (everything not happening in their lives) than to the artist on stage.  A concert, or a night out in New York City, is supposed to be an experience; however, it must be difficult to remember something when you aren’t fully engaged.  Snapping a few pictures is fine, and video too, but there has to be something wrong with checking your Facebook during a concert.  That’s my future ex-wife up there; give her some respect!

Respect is the word.  At a Norah Jones’ concert you will see generations.  There were people in their seventies (maybe older; I didn’t check IDs; well, I did, but was asked to stop), to some underage teenagers, and every other decade in-between.  You don’t accumulate that wide range of a fan base without being respected.  That is why everyone should experience seeing her live, whether or not the tickets are just thirty-five bucks.  

Seeing her at The Bell House is something to remember.  The encore came, and Jones’ band joined her upfront around the microphone to sing two last songs.  The band consisted of: Josh Lattanzi (bass), Pete Remm (keyboards), Jason Roberts (guitar) and Greg Wieczorek (drums).  You can catch them with Norah next time in New York City on Tuesday, July 3 at Central Park Summerstage.

Alabama Shakes - Boys and Girls (ATO Records, 2012)

About two months ago, I emailed my father to tell him to check out the Alabama Shakes.  "Our new favorite band," I predicted.  On April 10, 2012, the Alabama Shakes released their debut album Boys & Girls.  Most bands don't make it.  For other bands, it takes a couple albums, or more, to gain notoriety.  Just take a look at The Black Keys' journey.  But, The Alabama Shakes were booked to open for Jack White before this album was even released.  If you're opening for Jack, does that mean you must be good?  Yes.  And, the Athens, Alabama band proceeded to debut at number three on the UK Album Charts (NME).

I first came across the Alabama Shakes by stumbling upon them online at NPR Music.  My most common phrase, I need new music, was answered.  I pressed play to a video of the band playing their single Hold On and was transported back in time.  Vocalist Brittany Howard's voice has been compared to Janis Joplin's, Robert Plant's, Otis Redding's and Aretha Franklin's.  When I first heard her sing, I also saw her sing, and thought Macy Gray got a soul/blues band to play with.  Nevertheless, quite a catalog of compliments.  Howard has heard the comparisons and is flatter, but thought to herself, "Bon Scott from AC/DC" as far as how it feels to sing (NPR Music).

After listening for the past month to Boys and Girls on NPR's First Listen, I finally swiped my debit to make an actual CD purchase - at a CD store!  I love previewing albums online, but the actual CD has a much fuller sound.  Online you hear a radio sound and the instrumentation can be drowned out.  That might be the reason I was skeptical of the rest of the band at first. 

At first sound, from the first track Hold On, Howard sang, "Bless my heart, bless my soul, didn't think I'd make it to 22 years old", and I was hooked.  It was immediately apparent that Brittany Howard was a star.  But, after the first few listens to the whole album, the instrumentation didn't seem to be anything special.  Then, I bought the album and Brittany's opinion about songwriting was realized, and I'll apply it to the band's sound.  In a recent interview with NME, she said, "A lot of people want to be different...want to be original, instead of just writing songs together as people and being sincere about it." 

I have often said that it really isn't all that difficult to tell whether a band or musician cares about the music they're creating.  The Alabama Shakes' instrumentation is simple, yet effective, and yes, sincere.  Boys and Girls is a very strong debut album.  Its tempo is balanced and makes for a great listen for whatever mood you're in.  It will be interesting to see where the Alabama Shakes take their sound.  Comparisons have also been made to Amy Winehouse, yet with more of a rocknroll sound and attitude.  I know I will be checking them out this summer at Central Park SummerStage - for free on June 24th!  Check them out soon because they won't be needing to open for Jack White much longer.          

The Alabama Shakes are made up of: Brittany Howard (vocals/guitar/piano/percussion), Zac Cockrell (bass/backing vocals/guitar), Heath Fogg (guitar/backing vocals/percussion) and Steve Johnson (drums/percussion/backing vocals). 

Check out their website for upcoming shows: http://www.alabamashakes.com/tour/

Jack White - Blunderbuss (2012)

My first impression of Jack White was created from hearing Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground, and then Hotel Yorba.  It was during a time in my life when listening to rap music was getting old.  It just didn't do it for me anymore.  And so, my brother, more of a punk rock fan, said I should try The White Stripes.  This was also back in the day when Napster was working wonders, and you could download music that wasn't even created yet.  I downloaded White Blood Cells to later purchase at an actual store.  This was the Stripes' third album and it had come out that year (2001).  I guess I was late to the party because Jack and Meg were a big deal.  Jack White recently had an interview with NPR's Bob Boilen.  They discussed White's newest endeavor, his first solo album, Blunderbuss.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around this project.  I inevitably compare it to the White Stripes.  Jack knows this is going to happen.  He said he had to wait until The White Stripes were completely over before putting out something under his own name - "I don't really feel like going through the dumb perception battle of people who couldn't be broad minded enough to understand the difference between Jack White and The White Stripes (NME.com)."  The problem might be because many first impressions of White were so strong.  He set the bar really high and everything he's done since is compared.  He touches on this in lyrics on Blunderbuss.

The people around me

Won't let me become what I need to

They want me the same

I look at myself and want to

Just cover my eyes and

Give myself a new name

(lyrics from On and On and On, track 12 on Blunderbuss).

This is understandable, but no matter how highly I respect the man's music, it's impossible to escape that first impression.  Is it similar to people's first impression of Bob Dylan?  My father said the first time he heard Dylan was when Subterranean Homesick Blues came on the radio.  People's attraction to Dylan's music is too often simplified to his lyrics.  But, I completely understand the infatuation.  His lyrics seem to unravel right in front of you, often expressing the feeling you have at that moment.  And, in Dylan's song Ballad of a Thin Man, he conveys what my father was feeling when he first heard a Dylan song - "Something is happening here, but you don't know what it is."  That is how I felt the first time I heard Dead Leaves and Hotel Yorba.  There is something about these songs.  I joke that you could download songs from Napster that weren't created yet, but with these songs, along with so many of Dylan's, they feel like they were already here, or always here.  Boilen and White discussed this too, except about his new songs.  Check out the interview on NPR.org.

First impressions are complicated.  Personally we don't like it when others judge us, especially at first glance or first conversation.  Yet, we can't escape it.  It's human nature.  It might be even trickier with music, especially today with so much demand for instant gratification.  And so, that leads to my first impression of Blunderbuss instinctively being compared to the first White Stripes' songs I heard.  For those songs, I had no expectations.  I downloaded Dead Leaves and was hooked ever since.  Next came Hotel Yorba, and that became one of those moments that a music-obsessed person doesn't forget where they were when they first heard certain music.  It's tattooed to my memory, and I hadn't even heard all of White Blood Cells yet .  Two more classic albums sat there waiting to be heard (The White Stripes, 1999, and De Stijl, 2000).  I haven't looked away since.

It may be an inclination to call Blunderbuss more of a songwriter's album, but hearing White talk about his music for years, and listening to it for myself, I'm going to assume he considers all his albums to have an emphasis on lyrics.  Listen for yourself.  You can read them too, you know.  His word play is addicting.  The best example of this on Blunderbuss is the track Hip (Eponymous) Poor Boy.  This belongs in White's cannon of songs that should be sung in elementary schools across the nation (that's why our education system is failing; a call for singing more Jack White!).  Other songs in this category are: Hotel Yorba, My Doorbell, Effect & Cause, We're Going to Be Friends, and Little Room.  In fact, I had to create a skit with a group of fifteen eight year-olds for a summer camp.  It was either me or the eight year-olds that chose to have the kids walk out clapping to Son House's Grinnin' in Your Face (Jack's favorite song), switch to a sing-a-long to The White Stripes' Little Room, and end with keeping the beat to Queens' We Will Rock You.  These are also the songs I like to categorize as - you're not human if you don't like them.  Yes, when acoustic guitars and pianos are used, lyrics are more at the forefront, like in these songs.  Yet, it is evident White cares about the songwriting craft in all his songs.  He has said in the past that he considers himself a part of the songwriters family, and is proud that some saw The White Stripes' music coming from the folk tradition.

Now, nostalgia can creep in and you may start to miss White's signature guitar, a la Ball in a Biscuit, Hello Operator, Top Yourself.  There is a taste of it in Weep Themselves to Sleep, where at the end of the song, White's guitar stutters, creating something cool and new sounding, yet familiar, and maybe even reminding you he's still got it.  Like he says at the beginning of this song:

No one can blow the shows

Or throw the bones

That break your nose

Like I can

  

And, if you happen to catch the livestream of his performance at Webster Hall (4/27), well, statement confirmed.  Watch for yourself, and then answer my question - Who else alive can do that?  

The comparisons to Dylan's career again apply here.  Everyone wanted the folk/protest singer still.  Dylan wanted to do something new, maybe even plug-in and wear a leather jacket.  White is interested in more than just wowing you with his guitar, and might want to wear something other than red, white and black.  I guess that should have been apparent when hearing those first two songs of his I heard - Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground and Hotel Yorba.  And, well, with whatever attracted you to the Stripes', White might respond: 

Well ok, so you fell asleep today

What's funny to me though

Is that you did that yesterday

(lyrics from Hip (Eponymous) Poor Boy, track 10 on Blunderbuss).

All White's songs, from The Raconteurs to The Dead Weather (ones sung by him), and his new solo songs, could fit on White Stripes' albums, really.  There is a shift in the music though, and it comes during the most interesting part of the Blunderbuss that stretches across five songs, starting with Weep Themselves to Sleep.  Here is when I really sense that full-band feel.  This song, if I had to place it, might fit best on Get Behind Me Satan.  Someone else could make a case for the other five albums, though.  Yet, in the past three years, since the establishment of White's Third Man Records in Nashville, he has taken on more of producer/orchestrator role.  I can almost see him in front of his new backing bands waving wands; something new is happening here, even when White performs Stripes' songs with the full band (made up of all males, or all females, depending on which night you catch him perform). 

The next shift is with the only cover song on the album, Rudolph Toombs' I'm Shakin'.  I only recall one taste of rockabilly from the Stripes with Baby Brother.  Yet, White's influences, ability and interests lie in all genres - so we should have expected this at some point.  The next song, Trash Tongue Talker, continues in the rockabilly direction, adding a classic piano, a la Jerry Lee Lewis.  White often likes to talk about spontaneous creation, and not over thinking.  These songs, along with the next two, Hip (Eponymous) Poor Boy and I Guess I Should Go To Sleep, have this feel to them like friends, or like-minded musicians, just happen to show up in Nashville, and they decided to bang out a few songs with Jack.  Pokey Large provides backing vocals on I Guess I Should Go to Sleep.  It's hard to believe he lives in the 21st century, and Jack likes to pretend he doesn't either; the constant adman for vinyl.  It's a shame I listened to this through a sole Ipod speaker.           

          

Blunderbuss came out this Tuesday (4/24).  If I listened to the actual CD, instead of with my Ipod, it may have worn away by now.  Each day I have averaged three listens through the entire album.  It nauseates me to give straight forward reviews.  At first impression, I wasn't in love with The White Stripes' debut; now it's one of my favorites.  I've made the mistake before by judging too soon.  So, I will leave you with this.  Jack White, first impression, and beyond, has made an impression on the music I listen to more than anyone.  He was that musician that made me want to dig deeper into music history.  And, after Blunderbuss, I want to continue to dig (you dig?).  Blunderbuss isn't my favorite Jack White album, but that's beside the point.  It confirms that he has moved on from The White Stripes, and like with everything he has done, I can't look away. Like Dylan, White is going to do whatever he wants.  All I really wanna do is continue to listen.  And, fans have to move on too -  maybe in order to truly appreciate The White Stripes - and to not miss what he's creating in the present.  

Scraps-n-drafts...

1st and foremost are u satisfied with your phone?  That's what's most important...because if you're not satisfied then how could you go on with your day? It'd be impossible.  And people say nothing's impossible but those are the people that are satisfied with their phones...

How much do drinks cost when Jesus shows up for happy hour?

Honey honey

I think we should smile and cry more for the good times

Everyone's blessing is their curse...knowing this doesn't make it better...it makes it worse...and I don't believe it when some say ignorance is bliss but should believe when it comes to this...because if I didn't know...imagine what I could do...oh, what I could do...what I could do...only if, only if...

Everything's so still in the morning
And I'm the only one to make this observation
Because I'm the only one not sleeping

It's not 7 in the morning...and I am not drinking a beer...

Get on stage and just say "life" and start laughing...yell at the audience if they don't laugh too...yell that they don't get life...it's the funniest joke of all time...please tell me it's a joke...

I told my fiancé's father that I'm going to be a writer...and he said, no, that's not a good plan. You're not going to be a star. I responded, "Going to be?"...

Dissect meaning of asshole like you did with dude

As long as I can hear his voice playing at least in the other room, I know it's going to be alright

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life...but I think the biggest mistake was not becoming Michael Jordan...

Can I have one more my conscience asked
And replied, yes and always
But, you know, these scenes don't last...

Sometimes in this fast paced world u have to eat on the run...show runner running by restaurant and stealing a person's food and running away...Nike

Do I really need a plate with my coffee...yes...oh ok...that's why I asked...I didn't know

Leave a dog and a baby alone outside on sidewalk and watch more people worry about why dog is alone

Let me stop you right there, sir...I don't talk about the weather...

Where's it gonna take me I just don't know I've heard the tales throughout the history of rock roll... 

There are these articles out there and everyone thinks they read them in the Times...they like to insinuate that they read so much that they aren't positive where they read it but also want to make sure you know they do read specifically The Times... I think I read stuff all the time But I don't read...I don't read

Sometimes addicted to misery
Like I can put on a facade
And act like I don't care when people don't understand me

The wonders of the who farted question...I think it was that guy

People are just discovering books on tape
Others have been listening to records for years
Like Music Man Murray

Sleep No More

For a recovering insomniac, living in the city that never sleeps takes on a different connotation. Maybe it's not the healthiest place to live for someone that used to be addicted to lack of sleep. I'm sure it has its similarities to alcohol and other addictions.  It's fun at times, especially at the beginning.  You get the sillies like when you were a kid, but it's not natural like back then.  Eventually and inevitably it takes its toll and you end up walking down the street talking to yourself.  People whisper, drunk.  But, you say, no, insomniac.  They say, denial stage.  And, I say, I can't debate right now.  I'm 12 steps away from Sleep No More, a play every recovering insomniac should go see.  The New York Times said Sleep No More will "mess with your head as thoroughly as any artificial stimulant."  You can catch me whispering, naturally, out on the street after the show. 

Sleep No More is an off-Broadway play, but bring your walking shoes; it is not your standard sit and watch.  Taking place in Chelsea, warehouses were recreated to make up the McKittrick Hotel, where scenes from Macbeth break out.  Check out the play's website.  

Sleep No More is an experience and one of the few nightlife activities that actually allows you to escape the speed of New York City.  In fact, you may possibly feel like you've escaped the 21st century and awoken in a speakeasy, a la Midnight in Paris.  When you're called to line to enter the hotel, you and the rest of the guests will be handed a white plastic mask, a la Scream.  Rules are given - when in the hotel, keep masks on at all times and no talking.  Oh, and stay out of the actors' way.  Otherwise, get off this elevator and come back to the bar area whenever you want.  Good luck, and the more curious you are, the better the experience.

To go into a lot of detail would ruin the experience for you. I just know, I wasn't the only one whispering when exiting the hotel - - and experience is the word.

Times Square and Stuffed Animals

I met this really slick 4 year-old today...he had a stuffed animal that was and still is a monkey...I asked him what its name is...he said Times Square...and I, out of nowhere, asked why...he said it's because he almost lost it at Times Square...kid is hilarious, and I know we just met, but I think I'm going to ask him to be my writing partner.

Sports Center...

I have asthma. This morning I needed my inhaler, but also needed to go to the bathroom. So, I used one stone to kill two birds, and took a piss simultaneously taking a puff from my inhaler...and yet something tells me SportsCenter won't include this on their top ten plays of the week. I mean, if they're going to have a cameraman in my bathroom witnessing and videotaping then they might as well let the masses view the greatness that happens in there. Makes you wonder why a cameraman for SportsCenter was advertising his services on Craigslist.