…Women complain about how painful giving birth is and tell men they will never experience such a painful bliss…well, ladies, I once had a gi-normous (not a big fan of that made up word either; however, it fits this purpose here)…had a gi-normous stuck poo…and as we all have failed at this before, I tried to plop the sucker out…I’ve failed numerous times – thousands to not be exact…only to overcome this one time by listening to Jimmy Valvano (according to Microsoft Word is Jimmy Valcano)…Jimmy said to “never give up”… I didn’t Jimmy…and I felt the turtle head emerge and the next thing I knew was that my ass was wet from the plop-age…I was so proud…pictures are being developed in the dark room as I write (because we aren’t speaking…I don’t like talking…to you)…it may have created some pain and some sweat stains on the shoulders of my new Randy Moss Patriots jersey…but there are more important things in life than wearing another man’s name on your back…that day I too gave birth…birth to a newfound confidence that I can overcome…and I will “not give up”…my therapist is gonna really appreciate this story…
In all honesty, rest in peace Jimmy Valvano...his speech at the ESPY awards is a truly inspiring speech, if there is such a thing... - - "That song was so inspiring that it almost inspired me"...
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