..."If I had a dollar for every time"...

…a good wise ass way to start this post is to ponder how many dollars I’d have if I received a dollar every time somebody else pondered, “If I had a dollar for every time”…is there a formula to actually figure this out?...that’s not my goal on this here post…my goal is to be a wise ass…but maybe we will find out an answer…if I had a dollar for every time I was a wise ass…

…many people ponder this phrase…let’s dissect some of them…

…come on…let’s dissect this…geez!...

…if I had a dollar for every time I took a shit…

…if I had a dollar for every time you took a shit…who’d supply me with more dollars?...takes more craps…

…if I had a dollar for every time a politician lied…

…if I had a dollar for every time a soldier died...maybe I’d return the money through taxes and pay politicians not to lie so less would die…

…if I had a dollar for every time someone said, “I should stop drinking”…

…if I had a dollar for every time Van Morrison said “soul”…

…if I had a dollar for every time Puff Daddy…P. Diddy…Diddy…changed his name…

…if I had a dollar for how many people gave a shit about his name change…I’d get my lunch chicken parm hero for free at least…

…if I had a dollar for every time a mo fo thanked God first for an award just received…

…if I had a dollar for every time an athlete thanked God for today’s victory…

…if I had a dollar for every time an athlete blamed God for today’s loss…

…if I had a dollar I could buy one thing off McDonalds’ dollar menu, add pounds and
rationalize that as being patriotic…

…if I had a dollar for every time I heard the N-word in that Brooklyn high school the day I told a class to “sit the fuck down”…

…if I had a dollar for every time that high school called me to substitute after that comment…

…if I had a dollar for every time I rolled over in bed last night…it would be much dollars y’all…and I probably lost those dollar menu pounds too…unpatriotic…

…if I had a dollar for every time Georgie Bush smiled during a speech about tragic circumstances…

…if I had a dollar for every chicken wing I’ve eaten…considering I might turn into a chicken I eat so much of it…that’ll be a lot of dollars…

…if I had a dollar for every time Oprah’s weight fluctuated…

...forever be adding to this...