…Met a first grader named Jihad today…maybe it’s me, but that’s too early to declare holy war…age limit should be 10 years old…they should also put a maximum on that shit…the oldest you can be to declare holy war is 60 years old…because by then you will have realized religion just isn’t all that worth dying for…you should realize this before 60…but we have to add into account that many get involved in drugs, go to rehab, get out, go back, get out, stop looking for Waldo and the search for Jesus begins…go back, find Jesus because that’s where SHE (how clever!) likes to kick in on the daily…Jesus achieved the program on water…you can see it on YouTube now…Jesus walks 12 steps, etc…enjoy…find Jesus, get out and go on Oprah, get a standing ovation…all that will add some years to the postponement of realizing religion is overrated…overrated chant - - Overrated! Overrated!...Now, I didn’t say Jesus was overrated…I love that fucking guy…anyways, Jihad was not a quality sprinter today during our recess relay race where the kids just kept running and running so you couldn’t tell which team was winning…we also played one of their favorites – “Steal the Bacon”…which I first told the kids we couldn’t play because it promotes stealing…so, I suggested we change “Steal the Bacon” games’ name to “Catch the Bacon”…and they agreed as they yelled, “Yes, he said we can play ‘Let’s Steal the Bacon’”…we got in from extra recess that I said no to but they said please and I said no…so we stayed out for extra recess…got back to class for some silent reading which they do aloud, but to themselves so they elementary rationalize it as silent reading…I chose to take a look at an old classic, Corduroy…I was reading it, ya know, getting piece of mind…and a student told me, “That book is so easy”…I tried to explain to him that Corduroy wasn’t exactly my present reading material…but he wasn’t having it…another student was pretending to read Nate the Great and the Missing Key by Majorie Weinman Sharmat…now this here is just straightforward propaganda…I know Nate…I fucking love the kid…and don’t get me wrong…he is good…but Nate is not great…he’s actually pretty average…Now, Nate the Great isn’t the entire title…it also includes - …and the Missing Key…maybe the key they predictably find by the end of the story unlocks the fact that Nate is not Great…but he is good…what a revelation…that’s where you’ll find Jesus…these children’s books…that’s how Waldo became a children’s book…another student was reading a book Hot Dogs for Breakfast or something like that…and I spit up in my mouth…and re-swallowed what I had had for breakfast…chicken wings…then asked the kids if they would read my work in progresss, a children’s book called Chicken Wings in the AM…they giggled and gave a “sha-yeah we would read it…shit sounds like the bomb”…I didn’t really have those for breakfast, but will soon now that my book has inspired giggles and soon to inspire a healthier diet for munchkins across the globe…they enjoyed the actual chicken wings I had for snack time…
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