...lil sidebar with the continued Sub-athon...

…I’m the Mariano Rivera of substitute teaching…subs are similar to relief pitchers…subbed 2nd graders today and these are my observations…March 13, 2007…

…2 crazy aunts story -- …we were in the middle of Bernard Waber’s But Names Will Never Hurt…which is false because one of the graders called another poopypants and got really upset…I think her soul was damaged…she told me so and so called me poopypants…now usually in this situation I tell the munchkins that I do not care who called who what…I tell them I’m in the middle of writing this blog and they need to go eat more of that delicious looking snack of animal crackers and generic chocolate sauce…however, in the situation today, I had to agree…so and so called so and so poopypants and I had to agree with this assessment…sometimes the truth hurts…I told so and so they were the epitome of a poopypants…told her to look it up, using Webster (the little black kid’s dictionary)…-“You’ll find a picture of yourself there…next to poopypants”…

…anyways…on with Waber’s false story…in the middle of reading this to the munchkins, one girl raised her hand politely and I calculated that she probably has something useful to add to the story…and she tells me she has two crazy aunts out of nowhere…and I pursued to tell her that the two aunts probably say they have one crazy niece…later in the day, the 2 crazy aunts girl gave me a drawing, writing the following:

“Dear Misise Kenidea. you are the best teacher in the holl school. and you are Kinde to us and you are gode you graeat my faeavit teacher and you teach us to do stofe”

…I think we found my future writing partner…after that…maybe she isn’t crazy after all…she did declare and reserve me as the best teacher…this is similar to the first sport team's use of “our fans are the best fans in the world”…and this is why at the after after party for the Colt's Superbowl victory Payton Manning declared, “we have the 2nd best fans in the world…some Greek team back in the day already reserved their fans as the best.”…now you know teachers…if the kids say I’m the best, it has to be true…

…Silent reading is the art of shutting your beak when reading…most students don’t grasp the art form yet…but they learning…they learning…during silent reading today, one student pounded her desk with her fists for no reason…I told her unless she was reading the Instructional Fist Pounding Yo Desk Reader Volume 1, there was no reason to be doing so…Volume 2 deals more with dealing with your annoying classmates that are annoyed that you're pounding your desk when they are trying to master the art of silent reading…

…There’s often 10 minutes before lunch…time to clean up…the class does so…desks cleaned and crap is off the floor…-“Class…please get up quietly, push in your seats and line up for lunch”…And half the classes pencils fall out of their desk to the floor…for now on before lunch I tell the munchkins to make sure their pencils are already on the floor and if they aren’t they owe me 10…I received a free hoagie today…

…prep…just learned how to make a question mark on my phone…I’m pretty excited……Everybody threw up today…or at least claimed to have…that was much more original when I used to fake sick back in the day…used to go home all the time, holding my stomach, saying, “I don’t feel good”…I got home, watched Ninja Turtles, ate Devil Dogs, and ironically, hours later after finishing the anthology and conquering a full box of Devils, my stomach really did hurt…I told the kids this story…taught them about Karma…told them they’ll catch 22 and that’s worse than an ach in the stomach...class dismissed...