...ozone?...what about my zone?....

…I’ve completely lost my zone…my sleeping zone…I used to have a zone…we all have this…or had it…it’s similar to the zone Jordan got in when he couldn’t miss…the sleeping zone is when all positions are comfortable…I could have my legs in the air and sleep tight if I were in that zone…but nope…I’ve completely lost my zone…I knew this a long time ago…but was just in denial…this morning I came to grips…whatever that means…came to grips when I couldn’t fall asleep from 2:30 AM to 5:30 AM…I had awakened to take an unexpected crap at 2:27…finished that shit in 3 minutes…there was nothing flat about it…so I went back to bed with a feeling of accomplishment…but 3 freaking hours later I was still awake…I looked over to my brother...yes he sleeps in the same room…awesome…it’s like we’re kids again…except I slept then…I was a nasty sleeper as a kid…could have won tournaments…I looked over at my brother…the nerve he’s got…he’s lying on his back, both hands are behind his head, and he’s playing the nose trumpet that sounds like an elementary school kid, that ain’t in the Special and Talented Program, wailing away, practicing “Mary Had A Little Lamb” for the upcoming recital…the performing blew massive cookie chunks…but he was having a ball…he was in his zone…what a dick…

…I admit I was jealous…so I started smacking the wall, yelling, “Shut the fuck up”…I took his snoring as a personal insult…he knew I wasn’t in the zone and wanted to rub it in…there is no solo trumpet in that fucking lamb song…

…have you noticed…and if you haven’t…you should have…people get mad at others for stuff like snoring…like how dare he snore when I’m trying to sleep…another example is when someone really sets a bomb off in the bathroom…like how dare your shit smell so bad…

…anyways…I need to get my zone back…I’m thinking about putting a cooling device in my pillow so both sides are considered the cool side of the pillow…cool pillow is essential to the zone emerging…you ain’t got no cool pillow, that zone is not coming to fruition…

...any other ideas?...I'm game for almost anything...but like Meat Loaf said "...but I won't do that"...

..."If I had a dollar for every time"...

…a good wise ass way to start this post is to ponder how many dollars I’d have if I received a dollar every time somebody else pondered, “If I had a dollar for every time”…is there a formula to actually figure this out?...that’s not my goal on this here post…my goal is to be a wise ass…but maybe we will find out an answer…if I had a dollar for every time I was a wise ass…

…many people ponder this phrase…let’s dissect some of them…

…come on…let’s dissect this…geez!...

…if I had a dollar for every time I took a shit…

…if I had a dollar for every time you took a shit…who’d supply me with more dollars?...takes more craps…

…if I had a dollar for every time a politician lied…

…if I had a dollar for every time a soldier died...maybe I’d return the money through taxes and pay politicians not to lie so less would die…

…if I had a dollar for every time someone said, “I should stop drinking”…

…if I had a dollar for every time Van Morrison said “soul”…

…if I had a dollar for every time Puff Daddy…P. Diddy…Diddy…changed his name…

…if I had a dollar for how many people gave a shit about his name change…I’d get my lunch chicken parm hero for free at least…

…if I had a dollar for every time a mo fo thanked God first for an award just received…

…if I had a dollar for every time an athlete thanked God for today’s victory…

…if I had a dollar for every time an athlete blamed God for today’s loss…

…if I had a dollar I could buy one thing off McDonalds’ dollar menu, add pounds and
rationalize that as being patriotic…

…if I had a dollar for every time I heard the N-word in that Brooklyn high school the day I told a class to “sit the fuck down”…

…if I had a dollar for every time that high school called me to substitute after that comment…

…if I had a dollar for every time I rolled over in bed last night…it would be much dollars y’all…and I probably lost those dollar menu pounds too…unpatriotic…

…if I had a dollar for every time Georgie Bush smiled during a speech about tragic circumstances…

…if I had a dollar for every chicken wing I’ve eaten…considering I might turn into a chicken I eat so much of it…that’ll be a lot of dollars…

…if I had a dollar for every time Oprah’s weight fluctuated…

...forever be adding to this...

...Sunday Mo Jo...

…get the broom out for cleanin’ apartment after I drink this here Mo Jo…and Met fans are doing the same as they prepare for Sunday’s sweep of the Yanks…not as thirsty as other Sundays, but I am thirsty for seeing the Yanks at least play respectable baseball…talkin’ ‘bout respect, you can’t handle respect…I think that’s how it goes…respect isn’t something Aretha Franklin would get from Roger Clemens if she were a Yankee…defending Roger Clemens for not going on road trips with the team when he’s not pitching is like defending Allen Iverson for not showing up for practice…no, Tiger Woods doesn’t show up for every tournament…but he doesn’t have teammates…George Bush only shows up when he pitches too…but when he doesn’t show up, things get done, progress is made…when he shows up for speeches and such, he increases his status as the worst president ever…however, Roger Clemens is one of the best pitchers ever…so if he’s claiming it’s all about his Yankee troops, then he’d be there every game…but that’s not the case…he ain’t got no respect for the pinstripes…not Torre, not Rivera…or Jeter, and not the history…unfortunately, as a Yanks fan, I want to see Jeter and company…wait…I mean, I want to see the Yankees win another World Series…so when Roger is on the mound, I will be rooting…not a great Mo Jo here…but it’ll do the job as far as washing down my supper…a large chocolate milkshake and large fry from McDonalds…I was sitting there…no…there…and the craving for ice cream and salty potatoes emerged…so I satisfied that craving, came back from Donald’s shack, and watched the Yankees avoid the broom…for the future, I promise I will avoid that trend called sleeping…for the sake of better Mo Jos…but for now I’m gonna pound what has turned into a salty shack, and finish this Sunday’s Mo Jo…

...a blogsters BEEF with USA Today article...

…I jotted the following down on 5/17/07 (that was Thursday and was to remind me to do something:

- remember to mock USA Today article about “7th Heaven” (USA Today 11A)…below is the article...enjoy...

Slice of 'Heaven' on TV provided lessons, soothed souls

It's about time 7th Heaven got some media attention. The show began when I was in second grade. Now I am about to graduate from high school. Through the years, the show has guided me with its true-to-life plots. Unfortunately, I don't think enough viewers gave the show a chance while it was still on TV (" '7th Heaven' says amen after record 11 years," Life, Friday). My family was drawn to the show because it mirrored our lives so well. Believe it or not, there are parents out there who are still married and they don't get divorced or have affairs. While so many other television shows portray disinterested or self-absorbed parents, 7th Heaven dared to be different. The parents on the show — the Rev. Eric and Annie Camden, who were portrayed wonderfully by Stephen Collins and Catherine Hicks — were like real parents. They punished their kids for lying, breaking curfews and getting bad grades. And oddly enough, at times 7th Heaven even got more viewers than the WB's One Tree Hill with its scandalous plots and childish parental antics. While some criticized the show for being too preachy, all 7th Heaven did was try to encourage people to do the right thing. Instead of being like every other show filled with violence, sex and drugs, 7th Heaven tackled issues such as voting in elections, the Taliban's treatment of women before 9/11, bullying and countless other important topics. I learned a lesson from every show. It is unfortunate that 7th Heaven did not get a lot of critical acclaim — not because I believe it should have stayed on television forever, but because I think many viewers would have gotten a lot out of it had they given it a chance. Perhaps, they'll watch it in syndication.

Melissa Marie Sneed
Kingsport, Tenn.
Page 11A


…I couldn’t agree more with senior high schooler Melissa Marie Sneed of Kingsport Tennessee…I wonder what kids of that town do for fun…and you knew I would agree…please scroll down, or find link, to April 15th Sunday Mo Jo...has little snippet about me raving about "7th Heaven"...enjoy...not only should more kids be watching this show, but more parents should…the Camden parents know parenthood isn’t easy…tell me about it…finding Bin Laden is impossible…I can’t even find my kid…creatin’ some heavy duty baby-momma drama….believe that…However, they Camdens pull through and always figure out how to direct their children’s lives by the end of each episode…talk about reality television…if only real parents would write scripts for their children to follow…this generation being born into a world when the “Real World” already existed, and grew up believing that was the real world their parents told them to “just wait for”…if “7th Heaven” isn’t an exact reflection of all American lives the I don’t know what is…just ask New Orleans’ citizens (not refugees…or fugees, Steven Col-bert)…and I know what you people are thinking …I know…you’re thinking if this blogster doesn’t resemble Martin Luther King Jr. then I don’t know who does…Rev. Martin, Rev. Camden (daddio from 7th Heaven) and Rev. Run have been absorbed into this here blog like osmosis…and I suggest we force our democracy to watch “7th Heaven” after the pledge of allegiance, “under God”, every morning and every night before we take a nap for the night…then “7th Heaven” is osmosisized and America can become a reflection of what it already is and if there is a mirror across America there is no doubt we would see the Camden family…tell me that picture above isn't what New Orleans' families were doing before Katrina...

...above the USA Today article about “7th Heaven” is a comic about our new war czar entering the “War Room” that resembles a teenagers bedroom their mom is yelling at to clean up or they won’t be able to go see the new Spiderman…it’s a mess in case that metaphor sucked…and I think that room is a better reflection of American households than the corniest show ever, “7th Heaven”…it doesn’t matter what race or class, or let’s even say country, all families resemble that room at some point…at least mentally…New Orleans speaking, physically, but nobody speaks about that anymore…however, all families try to hide the fact they actually have real problems…problems similar to those on that show…but unlike the show, we can't say cut when something goes awry…film a family watching “7th Heaven” and then afterwards acting like they just learned something, and then they’ll go back to exactly the way they were living before…now that would be reality tv…

...planes trains automobiles...firemen, astronauts, porn and clowns...

Career Choices / Dreams

…My parents always told me I could grow up to be anything I wanted to be…so I told them I’m gonna grow up to be a strong black woman…while all other kids were dreaming about being firemen and astronauts, I was dreaming bigger…and by bigger I mean realistic…no I am not presently a strong black woman…but I will keep hope alive…it’s an American audacity…ask Barack Obama…I’m guessing he’s still dreaming about being a strong black woman too…dressing up as one, Rudy Giuliani, does not count…but does spice things up…on a Saturday night…in Harlem…


…back to the dreams of others…which are myths by the way…who really grows up dreaming about being an astronaut…firemen I’ll give ya…I may have dreamed of that for about a week, but then the Ninja Turtles came out and switched the dream…that may still come true too…but nobody dreams of being an astronaut…dreams do come true…I just downloaded 2 Asians…I’m sure that’s what Dr. King was referring to…dreams do come true and I guarantee none of you are astronauts…and if you claim to be one…you’re a liar and your pants are on fire…call the fireman to put it out…also, along with none of you being astronauts, none of you have ever met an astronaut…and that dude Lance from N’Sync that just come out da closet, and dreamed of going to space, he don’t count if ya met him…because the only place you’d likely meet him is an N’Sync concert…and if you’ve gone to one of those, well, you no longer count…that’s the only logical explanation for all those Al Gore votes in Florida…ya, so there are no astronauts…I’m not convinced there is even space…except if you’re referring to the space I fill up with this here revolutionary writing…

…let’s dissect careers that actually do exist…however, some of them I just don’t comprehend what went on in these people’s brains to conclude that they will do such and such for a career…first example being porn…who actually does this?...Yes, I know Nate…who is not great…but good…just because something rhymes doesn’t me you can just make up shit…I know Nate (a great friend of mine that can be great when linked to me) you dream of being a porn star in the porno bidness…but not everyone can start in the underground, rise to having classy action with that blond and then become the head coach of the professional basketball team, the Miami Heat…porn name Ron Jeremy…coach name Stan Van Gundy…same soul…and I know Jimmy Valvano said to never give up…but he never met you Nate and if he had he would have immediately realized you don’t have what it takes…so…give up…Jimmy V’s orders…plus, I think I answered my own question…the only people that actually go into porn are those that don’t have parents…especially mothers…how would you possibly show up to family functions?...although, I think the no parent thing has some realism to it…so I’d say I digress, but I ate like 8 hours ago so that wouldn’t make much sense and would most likely confuse you…think of another career Nate…you’re welcome for the look out…

…who the hell becomes a clown…unlike astronauts, clowns are out there…and there are actual human-beings under that paint and fake multi-colored fro…these people might even have kids…I mean, I’m a world famous blogger, and have a hard enough time getting girls…what if you’re a clown…what women are turned on by clowns…the big feet are fake…I’d love to ask a clown…and I’d have to ask very slowly…and prolly pause…a couple times to pace…myself for the explanation of, “Why are you a clown?”…like what the fuck happened…what wrong bus, pill did ya take…what did your mother do so wrong for you to hate her so much to make you become a clown…and many of our parents hire these loons for children’s birthday parties…can you picture a regular Joe Smo or Jane Doe growing up in a family like say – “7th Heaven’s” Camden family (see next post)…then going off to a respectable college, graduating and then concluding they will use that education and apply to the academy of clown…no you can’t…who even came up with the clown…remind me to stay away from the circus for awhile…that should be difficult…we will further dissect other occupations at a later date…I need time to absorb these questions…for me…I will not give up…but for now…Nate…give up…class dismissed…

...Sunday Mo Jo...

...this Sunday Mo Jo was written on Sunday; however, my moms gave me a list of things I needed to do before posting...she doesn't read this often so I'll admit I didn't do the list...yet...

…Mother’s Day…free beer…beer shits…false alarm…but the trumpet was a playin’…Miles Davis would have been proud…as we are of our mother’s…great transition I do agree…this Mo Jo is dedicated to the mothers…put away your Halmarks…despite what your card says, my momma is the best in the world-n-of all time…check Wikipedia…it’s a fact…but I write this Mo Jo not only to thank my mom, but to thank the mom of our hostess of the restaurant we dinned at for Mother’s day dinner…I thank the mother for creatin’ such a scrumptious hostess…well worth the 35 buck meals we all had…35 bucks for an entrée…yeah, that is fair…and balanced…the hostess was all the dessert I needed…I even went back for seconds after the rest of the FAM went back to Connecticut…the hostess was done with work and was about to leave…but then she saw me so stayed for a drink…at the other end of the bar…we played some pick-a-boo…or maybe she was just wondering why I was staring at her…however, at this point I’ve convinced myself she is the one doing the staring…I don’t mind though…there are mirrors in this world…I’ve seen this face…welp…this is what females do to ya…stop asking me about a career…my only goal right now is to achieve a girlfriend…so until I achieve this you can forget about the career…because like they say…there is always a woman behind a great man…tell that to Massachusetts…and I do agree with y'all that I am pretty damn fooking awesome...but I'm not great...like that Tiger...yet...not until a woman is behind me...in conclusion, it would only be selfish if this hostess didn’t accept my offer for a drink at the bar she works at and could get for free…by the next Mo Jo we will find out if she is selfish…wouldn’t mind sharing a cup of Sunday Mo Jo with her…now that certainly isn’t selfish…this mo jo sucks…I blame the mother’s for THEIR day…but I think I’ll keep mine…Mom…thanks for all the groceries…but you forgot the sugar…and there’s a cup of sugarless Sunday Mo Jo…

...Sub-athon continues...

…Met a first grader named Jihad today…maybe it’s me, but that’s too early to declare holy war…age limit should be 10 years old…they should also put a maximum on that shit…the oldest you can be to declare holy war is 60 years old…because by then you will have realized religion just isn’t all that worth dying for…you should realize this before 60…but we have to add into account that many get involved in drugs, go to rehab, get out, go back, get out, stop looking for Waldo and the search for Jesus begins…go back, find Jesus because that’s where SHE (how clever!) likes to kick in on the daily…Jesus achieved the program on water…you can see it on YouTube now…Jesus walks 12 steps, etc…enjoy…find Jesus, get out and go on Oprah, get a standing ovation…all that will add some years to the postponement of realizing religion is overrated…overrated chant - - Overrated! Overrated!...Now, I didn’t say Jesus was overrated…I love that fucking guy…anyways, Jihad was not a quality sprinter today during our recess relay race where the kids just kept running and running so you couldn’t tell which team was winning…we also played one of their favorites – “Steal the Bacon”…which I first told the kids we couldn’t play because it promotes stealing…so, I suggested we change “Steal the Bacon” games’ name to “Catch the Bacon”…and they agreed as they yelled, “Yes, he said we can play ‘Let’s Steal the Bacon’”…we got in from extra recess that I said no to but they said please and I said no…so we stayed out for extra recess…got back to class for some silent reading which they do aloud, but to themselves so they elementary rationalize it as silent reading…I chose to take a look at an old classic, Corduroy…I was reading it, ya know, getting piece of mind…and a student told me, “That book is so easy”…I tried to explain to him that Corduroy wasn’t exactly my present reading material…but he wasn’t having it…another student was pretending to read Nate the Great and the Missing Key by Majorie Weinman Sharmat…now this here is just straightforward propaganda…I know Nate…I fucking love the kid…and don’t get me wrong…he is good…but Nate is not great…he’s actually pretty average…Now, Nate the Great isn’t the entire title…it also includes - …and the Missing Key…maybe the key they predictably find by the end of the story unlocks the fact that Nate is not Great…but he is good…what a revelation…that’s where you’ll find Jesus…these children’s books…that’s how Waldo became a children’s book…another student was reading a book Hot Dogs for Breakfast or something like that…and I spit up in my mouth…and re-swallowed what I had had for breakfast…chicken wings…then asked the kids if they would read my work in progresss, a children’s book called Chicken Wings in the AM…they giggled and gave a “sha-yeah we would read it…shit sounds like the bomb”…I didn’t really have those for breakfast, but will soon now that my book has inspired giggles and soon to inspire a healthier diet for munchkins across the globe…they enjoyed the actual chicken wings I had for snack time…

...Sunday Mo Jo...

…Some say…well many say…that I’m a genius…my brother told me this the other day...I’m flattered…and just got a ruling that, yes, I can say flattered…I’m flattered but I don’t think so…I think that if I’m a genius then everyone’s a genius…and if you take a look to your right…well, or left…you will notice a person that obviously doesn’t qualify as a genius; thus, proving my hypothesis that everyone is not a genius, and therefore I am not one…people consider others genius…example being Bob Dylan…people have dissected his lyrics so much to the point they think he has the answers to whatever they’re going through…almost to the point that I think if Dylan were to say that he gets most of his ideas on the toilet then writers across America would be writing books while taking craps…and saying to themselves, “Dylan was correct…the toilet really does get that imagination flowing”…and I bring up genius because when drinking this here cup of Mo Jo, I can’t escape the mentality that I’m somehow more sophisticated when drinking coffee…Seinfeld broached this subject…how people drinking coffee always act like they’re doing something important…the difference between them and me though is that I’m always doing something important…and they I will admit sometimes do important things, but most of the time they’re just feeding their faces with a caffeine jolt…when I’m drinking coffee I’m either preparing to pass out worksheets in The School of Tomorrow’s Leaders or writing this here blog…and we all agree that both play a vital role in…everything…from the war on terror to getting lil’ Mookie the same educational opportunities as Timothy…from the North to South to the southern states we wish stayed in succession (Florida) and the ones we are glad that came back to the Union (New Orleans)…from the mother’s womb to the birth of a mo fo that writes a blog that revolutionizes the blogOsphere…from the from to the the…from the Bay Ridge apartment to the Café Steinhof in Park Slope where my bro and I tonight will be quenching our thirst while watching Spinal Tap, the chosen film for this café’s Sunday film…should be interesting…I’m pretty excited…and here the coffee will be away, but people in beards will be sipping brew and adlibbing to Spinal Tap, trying to reach that sophistication that they had thought they achieved earlier when they were doing their one important daily Sunday ritual…reading this Sunday’s Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…

...G-Man and as usually Civil Rights...

...I eat lots of chicken...so much chicken that some may say I might turn into a chicken...well, that is not only extremley corny (full of corn), but it's game...it's propaganda...and I won't fall for this...they used to use this on black people, but look in any local KFC and they're still eating the chicken...as they should be...it tastes delicious...so for now on when I'm eating chicken, I will be devouring a tasty meal, as well as, fighting for civil rights...

...War against profiling for greed sakes...

…People…and by people I apologize that you don’t know exactly who I’m referring to…but people, it’s a species, look it up in Webster, the little black kid’s book of words...people need to stop profiling…in this post 9-11 era, when terrorism replaces communism as the fear wand, people are profiling all Arabs as terrorists…and believe me, I have had Arab children in the classroom and they can be extremely annoying…their annoying-ness can reach extreme measures…however, so can black kids, and yes, man, women and hermaphrodites, can the white kids as well…now, don’t get me wrong…I am not concerned about Arabs…although, I am concerned about other profiling…and as stated many times – “A profile anywhere is a profile everywhere”…I think 2 Pac said that…if we allow the Arab profiling to continue, then this will justify the profiling of others…example being…all Jews are cheap funnymen wearing their Yamulkas as humor-caps…all Blacks are rappers that complain about class/racial issues, but are just as much to blame by bringing down their peeps with their vocabulary in the music…or…all white people are rich and greedy…now, this is the one that most concerns me…all whites are rich and greedy…this doesn’t offend me as a rich person - - because I’m not rich…or it’s not because I’m white - - because it’s debatable that I’m white…I’m whiter than white…I burn in the winter…although I do agree that global warming is a myth, a conspiracy created by the Irishmen, taking it out on the rest of society for their ancestors not getting any sun…no…none of the above offends me…the profiling offends me as a greedy person…I’m greedy and I find it greedy to think that all greedy people are rich and white…Fight the Power…I think Jesus, the original lesbian, said that…and…resolved…

...Valcano inspires overcoming stuck poo...

…Women complain about how painful giving birth is and tell men they will never experience such a painful bliss…well, ladies, I once had a gi-normous (not a big fan of that made up word either; however, it fits this purpose here)…had a gi-normous stuck poo…and as we all have failed at this before, I tried to plop the sucker out…I’ve failed numerous times – thousands to not be exact…only to overcome this one time by listening to Jimmy Valvano (according to Microsoft Word is Jimmy Valcano)…Jimmy said to “never give up”… I didn’t Jimmy…and I felt the turtle head emerge and the next thing I knew was that my ass was wet from the plop-age…I was so proud…pictures are being developed in the dark room as I write (because we aren’t speaking…I don’t like talking…to you)…it may have created some pain and some sweat stains on the shoulders of my new Randy Moss Patriots jersey…but there are more important things in life than wearing another man’s name on your back…that day I too gave birth…birth to a newfound confidence that I can overcome…and I will “not give up”…my therapist is gonna really appreciate this story…

In all honesty, rest in peace Jimmy Valvano...his speech at the ESPY awards is a truly inspiring speech, if there is such a thing... - - "That song was so inspiring that it almost inspired me"...