Initiation Tool - create "Morning Pages", writing 3 pages longhand every morning (90 days straight)Wed. Sept. 15, 2010 - Morning Pages - Day #36 - Caffe Cafe, coffee & tea bar, Bay Ridge Brooklyn...
I'm enjoying a coffee with "cream and sugar", my nickname around this block - "Hey, yo, cream and sugar!...what up?"...It's one of those nicknames you like, but pretend to not hear when it's called out...I'm sitting outside Caffe Cafe in Bay Ridge Brooklyn with this coffee around the block from my apartment...I say I'm enjoying it - because that's what I'm doing...but, to get into specifics, I'm enjoying today's coffee, especially, because I went with the cream, not just the usual milk, pronounced "Melk"...it reminds me of a wonder time in my life when I'd wake up, roll over, smiling like those people in those mattress commercials, and fall back asleep - you know that feeling...
(pause above thoughts, for)...Somebody just got hit by a car...Wow!...That'll wake you up, forget coffee...I hear commotion and realize someone just got hit by a car, every morning...The waitress and I showed our concern...I'll admit I snuck in a couple lines of writing, you already read them...but, the woman seems ok, cops by her side, and had gotten up by her own power...
...Back to that feeling, you know the feeling of waking up and rolling over, going back to sleep...for some reason the sound of the word "cream" reminds me of that feeling, it's something and I want it back! -- For now I'll settle for that nickname though, "Yo, Cream-n-Sugar, what up!?"...
...What's up is I'm stilling enjoying this coffee outside Caffe Cafe...falls here, and it's getting colder, the breeze sneaking up my Addidas warm-ups, hitting me in the balls, refreshing -- the coldness down there, and the warmth felt by the coffee running down my throat, emptying into my stomach is a great concoction for solace...don't say "it" Michale Scott!...ok, say it...
(pause above thoughts, for)...A guy I know in Bay Ridge?...Yes, a guy I know passes the coffee place, sees me, and starts complaining...complaining that there is no parking, and the reason for it was this woman getting hit by a car...and now he is late for work...because this woman got hit by a car...his work, which is a hair salon...a place where I get my hair cut...but when I get mine done, or did, it's a barber shoppe...but this guy is a prick, complaining about being late after someone got hit by a car...so for now on he must say "hair salon" when people ask him where he works...
...Somethings slap you in the face, and hopefully wake you up to realize how precise life is...That woman that got hit by the car will eventually get the message...a message to my generation that it doesn't always come in the form of a "text"...sometimes you get hit by an automobile to get the message...My mom tried this when I was young...I'm still young, and she still tries to hit me with her Rockin'-Rita-Mobile...I dodge her attempts to wake me up every time...She should attempt to hit that guy that was complaining...probably too easy though because he's fat, and works at a hair salon...I don't want to stereotype guys that work at hair salons - meaning, that's not what I'd ideally like to be doing with my life this instance, but feel it is a must...I'm just guessing though...guys that work at hair salons have a way below average first-step...believe me, I've hit on them, whatever that means...maybe it's time for me to wake up...
...The whole idea of waking up, in it's literally or physical sense, and metaphoric sense, hits an insomniac in a different way...I'd say it's unique, but the "different" in this sense is not unique in any way - similar to your kid that you think is so "special"...I wrote in a previous "Morning Pages" that I'm still traveling back...that was referring to me still overcoming, and still comprehending, this whole sleeping problem -- I'm still waking up from it...I write this after another sub-par sleeping performance last night, fell asleep about 12, woke up 4:30ish, rolled around, involuntary moment after involuntary moment...fucking shit, stop moving...and then I decided to get up...my girlfriend's alarm was going to go off anyways at 5:30...my hand hurts...and brain hurts...and I'm reminded of hearing kids, like 5 to 12 year olds, complaining how tired they are...of course, as an insomniac, I roll my eyes, thinking, "You have no idea"...You know, many times on weekends, when you stay up late on purpose, watching TV, then can't fall asleep because you're overtired...and so you continue watching TV...Well, that's how I feel mostly everyday...I can't shut that damn TV off that symbolizes my mind...and at night when I actually turn off the real TV, well, my mind still feels, or looks like that flashing TV screen...you know, when all the lights are off, your eyes also flickering, trying to stay awake, debating should I go to bed or watch more TV?...well, it's already late, or early, and I'm going to be exhausted anyways so I might as well laugh at this damn infomercial that's airing on Comedy Central about a fucking new hip-hop workout routine...in-between hangovers, term papers, and the never ending job search, right?, hip-hop changed from Run-DMC and Public Enemy to putting dumbbells in your hands and kicking your legs above your head...I should have seen that transition coming...like you should see these transitions in my writing...I guess, and forever will, that this is just another opportunity for the white man to make a buck off a black man's art, or bad luck, whatever...a little off topic, yes, well, that's just an insomniac's mind wandering-n-racing to nowhere except the bottom of this page, others hearing it as complaining?...and so...
...And so, I hear these kids complaining how tired they are...and then people older than me, many with kids, parents up all night with their newborns, hear me complaining about how tired I am...and they instantly think, "You have no idea"...My thumb kills, how am I ever going to hitchhike across this land to reach the crossroads?...I guess we are all tired, or all have something to complain about...or write about...I guess I write about this, rant in ways, because I want to be done complaining about everything...In ways it may seem I'm complaining about my sleep problem, you ever think I'm actually crying out for help?...No, well, I'm not at that point, anymore...already washed those tears away...I have found a new way to deal, something unique to put my energy into - and that's writing...what I write may not be unique, but the idea of writing to deal with the complaints about the world that surrounds us is, in a way...especially by those that never thought of doing this themselves...
...Again, I may have forgotten to develop a point here...was busy ranting again, and I sense there was some raving too...maybe I am coming back, waking up...I guess I'll conclude today's pages with that I'm done complaining, and that relates to previous pages where I said it's time to stop wishing, and start doing the work, referring to my whole visions of writing, and a life of doing so...I've done some of my work today, and hopefully that hair salon loser has started working too...I hope he wasn't too late for work, how dare that lady get hit by a car and disrupt his path, his plans for today...anyways...
Jotted in margin on last page: complaining - adults never sleep, maybe insomnia is just an adult state of mind - then you hear kids, 5 year olds, etc., saying they're tired, I think, you have no idea, then new parents hear me complaining, they think I have no idea -- Well, I guess, "only if" we were all bowlers, and knew what it was like to be in other people's shoes -- I tried on the five year old's, sweet new and fresh Jordans, but didn't fit...
...And, I think we all agree, we all need to be hit by a car at least once in a lifetime...this was just that woman's time -- which is hilarious because she's ok - "Life is a great adventure, " said Jerry Seinfeld...reading this off an article latched to the fridge...an article I saved that my momma mailed to me from Connecticut a couple years ago...and ma, life is good, again...I think I'm coming back, and definitely want to...I'm done complaining...I'm doing my work, and another step in my right direction taken...Watch Out!...tomorrow might be your day...to be hit by a car...maybe a metaphoric one...todaboconoma, most definitely.
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