Initiation Tool - create "Morning Pages", writing 3 pages longhand every morning (90 days straight)Tues. Sept. 14, 2010 - Morning Pages - Day #35 - I'll see, I'll see...
A late start today, and yesterday I was playing tag with elementary school children at 28 years old, a late start on life...I guess...And, well, to raise my self-esteem, I'm going to prescribe to the idea that "age" is just a number...which is true..it's just a number that tells us how old we are, that's it...so what if I still play tag...Well, I guess I've realized I went pro and didn't even know it...I knew I was good as a kid, but never imagined being good enough to be a professional...This is similar to my friend Nate, we've talked about him (behind his back) before...he was good as a youngster at making sandwiches, but nobody ever imagined he'd be working for Subway...he's that good now, apparently...And, now I'm playing tag, at 28, professionally, right?...I got paid yesterday, playing tag for like 2 hours, my calves (of steel, below my abs of steel) are a-achin', some mo' blues, ain't any news, y'all...onward, and, well, sideways, as I continue to write, left to right...And, I guess, again, if we want to get back to that honesty idea from yesterday's pages, then the reason I'm not where I want to be in life right now, at 28, or whatever age I'm acting, well, it's because I didn't imagine...
...I recall a blog post from about a year ago...It was about me at the library reading Idiots Guide to Soccer, getting ready for the upcoming season to a sport I hadn't play since 12 years old...I will look up the exact line at a later date, but it relates much to this...I ended that post with something to the affect of: If I don't start taking this blog thing, the whole writing thing, more seriously then come next year, and years down a road, I will find myself on a field I never planned to be upon, again...I had never planned to coach soccer last year, and, well, sometimes that's just life, we end up doing things we didn't think we would...This on the other hand, I think was more of me simply not planning anything else - life has a tendency to plan for you if you don't do the planning, I guess, I'm learning, "finally", said momma...And, well, this relates to me and the whole imagining idea...I wrote in the margin on the last page: I see my ability to write in more places increasing...I'm not sure if it's an ability, or me just doing it in more places, but I am thinking less, not waiting for the right or perfect time to write...I guess I'm learning, again!, that there will be no perfect time...The day I'm not being too lazy to write, I won't feel well, or I'll do it later in the day, or maybe I have gas, and I'm waiting for it to pass...and some said lyricism wouldn't last?...
...I'm inclined to start writing about how I never imagined I'd be an insomniac...about, how, it's odd, but I knew insomnia existed, but when you don't have something, or know someone that does, then you just don't think of it...all I knew was that Dave Attel had a show Insomniac, and Green Day has an album Insomniac...that's it...That's a topic for discussion, in my own mind, and for writing, at a later date...but right now I'm thinking along the lines of careers, and imagining myself one day having one...I must be starting to write fiction...This goes along the lines of Field of Dreams - "If you build it, they will come"...I'm imagining now, my career as a writer...if I write it, they will come...and I don't want baseball players to come out of my backyard cornfield...If I write it, Idea Awards will come...they have already, and "as long as" I keep writing they will continue to come...Before that comes, that I will still imagine, but for it to be more realistic I think I need to imagine more in the short term too...Where do I imagine myself next fall, again, finding myself on a field I never planned to be upon?...Or, am I going to makes moves, behind the back and spin moves, to get a writing job?...I'll see, I'll see...
...I've imagined making a business card with Daily Nuggets on it with my contact information, and dropping them in bars and cafes, subways, across the city...Ok, well, I will do that when I finish the 90 days of "Morning Pages"...I'll see what I've got, and adapt from there (a good lyric, possibly, at a later date, again)...It's like I'm not even here...but this writing is proof I was, or am, as I reread these sentences before posting so you can read...I also imagine finishing these pages, not missing a day of writing, and at first I will hold all the written pages in my hand in astonishment...I've written before, and should give myself more credit for how much I have written, but I haven't done it like this before, 3 pages, or more, every day for 90 days straight...that's going to be a sight to see in my hands...
...I also imagine more late night jam sessions with my girlfriend - because maybe my plans aren't as visible as Not Yoko would like them to be; however, they are still developing inside this insomniac's mind, and I see them more clearly the more I write...I wrote before, something to the affect of: Trying to organize ideas inside an insomniac's mind is harder than organizing ideas of war...My ideas, and plans, are being organized though, and it should be reassurance to know that I've also imagined a world with no more wars, isn't that reassuring, Not Yoko?...I think these pages have been a step in the right direction toward imagining, and planning, and yesterday's theme is there about being more honest in my writing...I think the next step is continuing to imagine, but also getting more straight to the point and just writing it out...my plans with writing and everything...This can hold me accountable...I once told friends I was going to do stand-up, and in the end it was either insomnia that slept walked me to that club, or it was me just living up to my word...It's time I do more of this...I can't wait to see that stack of writing in my hands..."Here's my business card".
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