Initiation Tool - create "Morning Pages", writing 3 pages longhand every morning (90 days straight)Mon. Aug. 16, 2010 - "Morning Pages" - Day #6 - Flying Saucer Cafe, Atlantic Ave., BK
So anxious, a race against time this morning with these "Morning Pages". It's got me thinking, like, last night, what am I racing to? I was trying to fall asleep last night, but couldn't. Again! I said to myself, "I'm anxious, but I'm not...I mean, I am...but no, I'm not!" Maybe it's this city and its pace that's got my mind a million miles past my feet.
This anxiousness continued while waiting for the R-train today at 86th Street in Brooklyn. Why can't we humans accept the way things are. I'm not saying accept the status quo and enable "The Man", the boogie man does exist, I knew it! Momma lied...enable "The Man" to continue his greed, whatever. I'm talking about our daily tasks that contribute to this anxiousness. My pen can't catch up to my racing mind no matter how many months it trains to get in better shape.
Our daily tasks - like waiting for that train, or like now, I'm waiting for the clock to hit 10 AM and then it's time to go babysit. I've got 20 minutes. I've been alive now 28 years (happy b-day self!). So, I do have a ballpark estimate of what 20 minutes feels like - why keep clicking the cell, looking for the time? How many times have you clicked your cell, looking for the time, putting it back in your pocket, then asking, "What time is it, again?" We forget to look. It's like we've become that dude Desmond Humes from Lost that thought he had to press a button everyday or the world would blow up.
Sidebar: In the margins I wrote - I don't put much wine in my glass so it looks like I'm making progress, getting things done...
Here I am (another reminder), racing my pen, racing against 10 AM. Yeah, my goal is to write 3 pages every morning, but does my world blow up if I don't meet this self-imposed deadline. Yes, it probably does. I clicked the cell again.
Back to waiting for the train, I wrote:
Stop lookin' in mirror, just work out/ stop conversation about, just drink wine/ stop clock watchin', this ain't no sitcom, you can't change time/ as you look down the line, the wrong way, the train will come when it comes...
...If only we had 3 more people to look down the tracks. That would supply enough magnetic field to pull the train we're all waiting for, right? We all know looking down the tracks doesn't make the train come faster. I've even mocked the people doing it by looking down the tracks the wrong way, this time on purpose (because I'm hilarious, I'm not?), but other times accidentally and then I've got to pretend I'm looking for a person or something other than the train.
Sidebar: Dude sits in couch across from me, seat sinks down further than he thought it would, makes him look like an idiot, even more so than he did before...
Of course, I'm not criticizing this anxious part of society. I'm an all-star (I'm not?) when it comes to worrying about things we have no control over. But, for now it's time for me to take that walk to the house I'm sitting at (sounds like a sentence from a first grader, you know what I mean? If you don't then you didn't finish first grade. I didn't finish my 3 pages yet. My world may blow up. I don't apologize if the pieces hit yours. I will clean up this piece (and my life) after the sitting.
..."Morning Pages" continued...Maybe me missing the 10 AM self-imposed deadline was a good thing, and will lead to better writing. In-between then and now, I read a New York Times article, and my "Morning Pages" relates very much to the article. It's about the ongoing debate on how technology (cell phones, email) and all this multitasking affects our brains, and possibly our decision making. I would like to take my time on this and create an actual article. And, time I should take. I will continue writing later, after the day has developed, and maybe my ideas can blossom too...whatever, yeah, who knows?
New York Times article: Outdoors and Out of Reach, Studying the Brain by Matt Richtel
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/16/technology/16brain.html?ref=technology
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