- I thought she was going to be good because she looked like she had soul -- but then she said she was going to "bring the funk" and I decided to go home -- not a big fan of when the funk is brought.
- First scenes: Bro, "We got no freakin' players!"
- Calling Bob "gray bear"...bro thinking I said "gay bear"..."No, he looks like a gray bear"..."Gray bear...bob cat...he looks like a graybear-bobcat...in that order".
- Sit across from Mo Fo on train, look at 'em and take notes.
- Metaphor Mock: "Laughter is the best medicine"...That guy knows what I'm talking about...that's why he rocks the mustache - he's got a sense of humor.
"Read in between the lines"...Well, that's what I was told so I did...I read in-between the lines...didn't like what i was reading so decided to write in between these lines...you say that in a redneck voice it sounds retarded; in say, a British accent, genius -- I don't have either accents so I'm just gonna keep writing.
- I'm gonna take a pic of Art, call it Art, and it's not subjective because it IS Art - non-debatable.
- First scenes: Have two teenagers staring at pay phone flabbergasted (so shocked, surprised, confused that they have gas?) at what this thing is..."Let me
call my mom and tell her about what we found".
- Skit - dude on train looking at passengers/ and have a narrator say what he's thinking/ make it racial, make it sexy...what I'm trying to say is
"to-da-ba-cono-ma. - have dude laughing at horrible sitcom/comedian...like I was today.
- I'd write in this more often, but I'm usually too busy watching BET.
- Dissect how I can't believe, how it's beyond my belief system, it's 2010...oh my God!
- First scences: Bro sitting on couch and Bobby attacking his arm/ me telling Bob, "Get 'em Bob" and thrilled Bob's biting his arm.
- Bro names another cat "Diversity"...black cat.
- "Bobby breaks the tackle and scores again!?
- "No trespassing" signs - "Oh ok, well, I was planning on walking on this property that doesn't belong to me, but then there was a sign...so I changed my
mind".
- First scenes: People awing over what seems to be a cut baby...you know, that "oh" shit (a better vocab word would have been "crap"/ then cut camera to Bob
and introduce mo foes to Little Bobby Dylan.
- "Hey, if my balls hurt, does that mean we should order chicken wings?" "Why, yes, of course, Charlie -- and remember the blue cheese...it doesn't work
without the blue cheese." "That does without saying".
- Applied to a bookstore - "Yeah, I like the idea of working at this bookstore. I like books. Never actually read one...but I perspire to".
- Becoming an adult is realizing you're suppose to squint when you read.
- First scenes: Singing in Dylan's voice - "Bobby's in the bedroom he's sittin' there I think - I think he's sniffing my shit-stained underwear... He's a cat but looks like a gray bear he's only months old looks mighty distinguished with that color hair".
- I'm slowly returnin'/ the tortoises' patience is burnin'...
- Blew bubble on train/ could tell dude across from me was impressed/ and now he's wondering what the hell I'm writing down/ motherfucker just don't get it!
- Just drooled on train/ hope nobody noticed/ if they did I hope the slip on it when existing the train.
- Read an encarved "Fuck my cunt" on train door/ was going to write that myself/ somebody beat me to the spot/ Charge!
- Commercial - "Have you ever woken up? Have you ever laughed? Have you ever woken up laughing?...This morning I awoke after a forgotten dream and burst out
laughing...you can do this too!?
- Subbing at Berkeley Carroll (Park Slope Brooklyn)...bareley fell asleep last night...my brain is a-flyin'...the munchkins havne't arrived to class
yet...but...but I can't wait...I'm gonna substitute teach the shit out of these kids...will be reporting back throughout the day...I hope I don't pass out
during class...or do I?...
- these kids are obviously not on the level that I was on at this age (2nd graders)...that kid should just give up now...
- Kids telling jokes like -- "What does the porcupine say to the turtle?"...some bullshit like that...and I tell them -- "It doesn't matter what the
fuck the porcupine said to the turtle."...I hope I didn't say that aloud...the only way that could possibly be funny is if the answer is sexual and that's
not appropiate fo school...abstinence only!...todaboconoma...
- Asked kid if what she said was supposed to be funny..."Well, it's not (snot, short for it's not)...far from it!"...break out scale of what's funny
and what she said breaks the scale...
- Asked kid what he's making in art class...3 seconds pass..."Nevermind, I've lost interest"... - Kid shows me sculpture made in art class/ doesn't know what is was/ and I say, "Well, that's a lot of what art is/ you make something and people
don't understand what it is/ just pretend you do and they'll accept it as art"...
- Kid asks if I teach music...I said, "No...I just look musical"...
- Kid says he just made up joke and I think, "Oh geez, I'm gonna have to fake laugh"..."How do you get good at bowling?"...I answer, "You lose all
your friends pretending you're training for a sport, which bowling is snot"..."You go to the deli and buy a turkey"...wasn't even close to being funny...so
unfunny it fixed that scale and broke it again after the youngster explained to me a turkey is 4 strikes in a row...still not funny...
- Girl said her father was the best in the world at something...I said, "No he is not"...and the class moved forward into the land of reality...
- Kid shows me he made a "bally" out of clay, which I informed him was its original state...I ignored him...seconds ticked and I looked to the left, "Are you still here?"...
- Pile of papers...kid hands his in by placing his in the wrong direction...I ask him "why?"...it was hilarious and educational for us both...
- I'm not saying he's gay...or if he is that there's anything wrong with that...I'm just saying he's pretty gay for a black guy...just saying...
- Person on train switches seat and absoulutely no advantage was achieved...I tell him like a teacher to a student, "Get back to you seat"...
- When doing laundry segregate the socks...that's not racist, it's just a way to be well organized...
- Too much cheese, not enough sause...Too many MCs, not enough Mics...
- It's just this constant rackin' inside my bones/ a mute rattlin' you can't hear/ but I dispise its tone...
- I want my Snapple fact!...
- Is it illegal to put a snot on an elevator?...I do it again...
- First chicken crossed the road joke...
- I called it!...
- Ed's shirt
- I dont' know Simon and don't give a sufkc what he said...
- I Can't Sleep by Kim Graves...
- I'd like to wish everyone a happy Martin Lawerence Jr. Day...the best yet!...
- Was in a bookstore...asked clerk, "Where can I find Idiot's Guide to Find Books in a Bookstore?"...
- Was in the middle of a basketball game...a fan from the stands yelled, "Rebound!"...I must send this man a thank you card asap...it is always useful during
atheletics to receive reminders from friendly fans; otherwise, we'd be lost out on that court and forget something essential like rebounding...or like
another fan screamed, "You suck Kennedy!"...I had forgotten that too...
- 28 days later, still can't believe it's 2010 (wrote on 1/28/10)...
- People say life's not fair...you go IKEA shoppin', see a 329 dollar rug made out of Ghandi's pubic hair and you realize it is fair... - During my trip to IKEA I picked up 3 charges, no flops either, they were legal...always keep stats at IKEA...
- Skikt - how white people discover everything (because they do)...show other races inventhing/discovering things...public doesn't recognize until a white
person takes credit for the discovery...
- Skit - Bro and I eating at Brooklyn deli looking straight out window and having random talk...
- Irrelevant Transitions - little kid tripping for no reason...
- Create list of "I shoulds" but "I'm not gonnas" even though I really should...but I'm not gonna...
- "That's a good look"..."That's an even better one"..."I didn't think it was possible to better than the first"..."The first was a pretty damn good
look"..."Darn, this is PG...but true, the first look..."...
- Headphone joke - comedian thinking headphones tangling up is hilarious...because we can all relate...bringing out zingers 2night...
- Every bad call is the worst call I've ever seen...they must keep on getting worse...
- Stop lookin' in the mirror/ and just work out/ stop conversation about/ just drink wine/ stop watchin' clock/ this ain't no sitcom/ you can't change time/
as you look down the line, the wrong way/ the train will come when it comes...
- "Clicking" or "Clucking" your toungue...remember that?...I forgot about that shit...or would it be funnier if I said...Remember that shit?...I forgot about
that...the placement of shit can determine the number and volume of laughs...
- Think I'm lookin' at you with tired eyes/ you should see my mind...
- My goal in life is to be that guy in a long line turning around, complaining about how "bullshit" this is...
- I see her face/ I'm disapointed, but intriuged/ email me when you figure out what that means...
- "I wear a size 34-30"..."Oh really?...you look like you could fit into a size 32 jean"..."Well, I could, but that size would show off my ass...and I'm not
sure if I'm ready for that kind of commitment with the public yet"...
- And add a question mark to the end of everything I've every written/ in case someone catches me in the act of not knowing?...
- Girl in first grade dissects sentence - "They saw the cat"...she says, "Who cares?" like "so what, time is money, they saw a cat, we don't have time to
care about this...
- First scenes - Begin with "blank" vs "blank" question and riff from there...me and bro entering train debating "blank" vs "blank"...Example: Bert vs.
Ernie?...Ernie...Well, yeah, of course Ernie...but I'm very concerned it took you so long to answer...I mean, nothing against Bert, but Ernie's the
man...Ernie's the man without being THE MAN...
- And make no mistake...when Bobby meows he ain't cryin', he's singing...
- People ask what I've been up to...I've been ignoring mirrors...but recently I accidentally caught one and had forgotten how georgeous I "was"...I don't
usually pardon, but..."Am"...
- Toilet joke...blow up bathroom/ sneak out...
