Insomniac #2

Went to bed at 10:34 and 39 seconds tonight (last night?) and still haven’t fallen asleep…may have dosed for 3 minutes and 67 seconds, but I’m not certain of that…it is now 1:52 AM, March 4, 2009…so I’ve decided to write again…I can tell the inspiration is flowing…I’m pumped about the no sleep again…it’s a beautiful day…mide as well see all of it I can…I realized that often what keeps me up is that my conscience decides to do stand-up comedy during the dosing stages of sleepdom…my brother having usually just gotten home from work, hears me laughing in my sleep…some people snore, I laugh…um, deal with it…of course, I’m not really sleeping at this point, but have awoken, but not completely…I’m in dose stage so I cross my fingers under my pillow that I consider flipping because the side being used at the moment is getting too warm…yet, I don’t want to flip it and unhinge this glorious dose phase…so I cross the fingers which if you’ve ever tried makes it harder to fall asleep…try it tonight…I hope it doesn’t work for you…so, often when sleep deprivation kicks in, I find everything funny…my conscience tells the audience he’s thinking about making a newspaper about saving trees…and is also kicking around his novel in the works that has just in-between lines…and this of course, of course is hilarious unless you’re a horse…they are born without a sense of humor…so I laugh…but then burst out crying because I realize tomorrow (now today) is going to be another horrible day because of no sleep…and now the pillow is wet…

I’ve got the no-sleep blues
Yeah, I’ve got the no-sleep blues girl
So if you ain’t doing nothing tonight, this morning
Come over and let’s drink some booze
And maybe, maybe we could get a refund on your boob job
And instead take a cruise
I’ve got the no-sleep blues
But that shit ain’t any news
‘Cause I’ve been not in the bidness of snooze
Since Stella Got Back Her Groove Back (that’s what she thank)
No-sleep blues
Well alright Chall…

…and another step toward taking ‘the city that never sleeps’ too seriously.

Insomniac #1

It’s time to write a piece about Insomnia…since I am a ‘Niac that doesn’t make me a pro…I don’t get paid to not sleep; however, it may qualify me to talk about the subject…Yesterday, Sunday, March 1, 2009, I went to bed about 10:10 and 34 seconds...that’s the time I approximately go to bed most school nights…gotta wake up and substitute teach the munchkins…Today, Monday, March 2, 2009, it is 6:59 AM and I still haven’t fallen asleep…attention to detail folks…I actually did fall asleep about 15 minutes after going to bed…then awoke, feeling nice and refreshed…this is a daily routine for me…oh, it’s a work-out and it’s not alright…this piece of writing is going to be the first of many -- I hope not…for now on, I am going to write whenever I can’t sleep…it’s going to be an adventure for us all…and I say - I hope not - because it has been at least 4 years since I have had regular quality – sane sleep…and as the saying goes, if one can’t sleep, write…right?...

Sleep deprivation is a creative stimulant – the steroid for writers…many writers are alcoholics…stay away from the drink and drugs kids…just don’t sleep and your mind will be flying and coming up with all different crazy ideas, like being a writer in the first place…or searching Craigslist for jobs only to be seduced by the Casual Encounters section…proceeded by hitting your head on the keyboard after passing out from exhaustion....and waking up to a gig opportunity for a NYC comedy club, The Laugh Factory…calling some talent booker who asks where you’ve performed before, but you haven’t…except for middle school classrooms back in the golden years when you were still actually funny…but now you’ve realized after subbing middle schoolers – they laugh at EVERYTHING…they must be sleep deprived…and all of this results in you opening up doing stand-up comedy for the first time with, “I think we all agree it’s time Cindy Crawford gets rid of her mole”…funny, yes, but more a political statement…it’s just time…it’s just time…Cindy…

A reason to write this piece though is to realize how serious it is…the one thing I like about Insomnia is that it keeps you dreaming…yet, if one can’t sleep, how can one actually pursue…so at night when trying to fall asleep I dream of a day when I can sleep on a regular basis so I can wake up everyday, do whatever I can do to make money, and write…because that is what I want to do…so in the meantime, my Insomia remains, so for now on I’m not going to cry about it…I’m just gonna get the fuck up and write…and I’m thinking about making a comeback to political speeches like the one about Cindy…and another step toward taking ‘the city that never sleeps’ too seriously.

Black Keys’ Concert – Saturday February 7, 2009

The Kennedy bros migrated from The Ridge…that’s slang for Bay Ridge Brooklyn for you foreigners…migrated to Terminal 5 in Manhattan Saturday night to see the Black Keys with an opening act called The Heartless Bastards (new album “The Mountain” in stores now and singer Erika Wennerstrom delivers again)…to avoid dehydration we and some friends quenched our thirst first at Beer Shot Burger bar while watching Uconn Huskies beat Michigan Wolverines in some basketball…did you see the two white dudes on Michigan?...then we took a detour on our way to Terminal 5, doing our best Michael Phelps impression…it wasn’t our cold breath coming out our mouths…and then it was time to see two white guys play some blues…

…early in the day, my bro JK referring to a Black Keys song, “that’s a lot like the Beatles”…I said yeah, but better…somewhat joking but at the same time asking my dad’s generation to admit John Paul George and the other guy are “a little?...just a little???...overrated?...no?...ok…moving on…Nate, the Ok, not the Great, and a long time friend commented, “The Keys sound lil’ like Jimmy”…that’s Hendrix, not the Jimmy from Seinfeld that always referred to himself in 3rd person…So, yes, The Black Keys do have elements of Hendrix and an occasional Beatles influence is noticeable…I still can’t believe THE NERVE of Yoko!!!...also, they are always quickly compared the that other 2-piece band The White Stripes…influences and similarities, yes, but Dan Auerbach (singer/guitarist) and Patrick Carney (drumster) can hold their own – not for Christ’s-sake…these boy’s own Akron, Ohio…the question is…how jealous is Lebron James?

…opening act, Heartless Bastards, as legend has it, were essentially discovered by Carney who saw them perform one night in Ohio (Bastards from Cinci)…Carney let Fat Possum Records know and “the rest is history”? – similar to my just out! Autobiography read as follows, “Names Garrett Dempsey…I was born in 1982 and raised in Southington, Ct is where I’d spend most of my days…and the rest is history”…I will be performing the R-train this week, strumming my One-String Walmart Acoustic that I play “like a motherfucking riot” (Bradley Nowell/Sublime), and HEY CARNEY!, I will be very available to be discovered as well...

…back to The Heartless Bastards…what a name!...band was playing a trivia game and “what was Tom Petty’s back band called?”…and the rest is history…Ericka dumped her former band members, one of which was a former boy friend (Yoko! did it again), but she and the new Bastards still played some classics from their previous two albums – “Searching for the Ghost”, which is a favorite and the first song of theirs I heard…forget cold turkey on this one, it’s to stay in my record collection…check it out on their myspace...the Bastards I’m sure are happy to open for The Black Keys…but I was anticipating this band as much as The Keys and deserve to be headliners…go see them!...Drum roll…

…Black Keys!...Auerbach rocking the overgrown red beard…maybe I should grow…eh…no…and, not all I have to say, but The Black Keys delivered…stop reading this and see them yourself…which you should have plans to do anyways otherwise why read this…still think John Butler Trio is the best concert I’ve seen…and I like the Black Keys albums much better…concert experiences depend on venues and your own mood though…for instance, I saw the Raconteurs and had the runs the whole time…the ‘teurs overcame that and put on a pretty good show…let’s end this with…I wanna see The Keys again and so should you…Dan Auerbach solo effort, Keep It Hid out now!...below is YouTube link to Dan and his Uncle playing a classic from the album, “Trouble Weighs a Ton”…March 2, Auerbach at Williamsburg Hall of Music in Brooklyn and I will be there!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUlZB8TFQjs

...Sunday Mo Jo...

Sexy never went anywhere…I have a mirror…but guess what is back…Sunday Mo Jo is, whether or not your name is Jack…and now American politics are pondering the saying, “Once you go black, you never go back”, in a different light these days…it doesn’t smell like roses, because I’ve never smelled roses before…well, I have, but in that case we aren’t referring to the flower, but a dancer, that is obviously paying for college…I’ll give in for a second and reveal that I have smelled roses before and I’m not impressed…and refuse to think that women truly love them so much…roses smo-ses…furthermore…or less…it does smell like something’s in the air these days…and I have a clogged nostril…not nostrils…only one is clogged and the other is making a whistling noise to the tune of Dylan’s “Blowing in the Wind”…I can’t really smell that well…in fact, I suck at smelling…never been good at it…but the stench ‘round her’ is so strong that it might lead a corny-ass mo fo to come up with a ridiculous metaphor, but that I will not do…it’s a policy of mine…and should be a policy of President Barack HUESSEIN Obama’s presidency…speaking of our new president…what I believe I smell is Obama’s feekle odor…dude is like a Rocket Scientist with his poetic oratory (ridiculous), but his ass reeks…however, other than that being in the air, many of Dylan’s questions no longer have to blow…when Obama was elected, I magically turned on “Blowing in the Wind” and it sounded like a f*cking (?) victory song…some may mock the HOPE people are putting in one man, but sh*t, Mr. Huessein…I call people by their middle name…it’s an un-common courtesy…hardy har har…I’m bringing that back too…Barack is undeniably inspirational…Jesus even showed up for the inauguration…in the form of Shuttlesworth that is…Ray! Allen was there…and many packers of the bible are devastated, that yes, Jesus is black…and hopefully Barack will bring back some respectability to the presidency…however, am I the only one that realized John McCain’s campaign never brought up how much Obama is like Bush…there truly is an elephant in this room…it’s next to the cardboard cutout of the Kennedy’s new cat COSMO!...Mo!...I’ll be coming home soon whether or not you’re reading this…the Obama-Bush linkage is not referring to intelligence…I mean George Bush is still looking for Waldo for crying out loud when the 2nd graders I was substitute teaching for once called me a leprechaun…those were the short lived days of when I grew pubic hair around my lips disguised as a goatee…not exactly comparable to the days my father decided to grow a mustache back in the 70s…I wish I had this frame of mind back in the day…no dad, I don’t have to listen to you…you used to rock the stache and doing things like that enables corny as mo fos to get away with saying corny ass sayings like “let’s be serious”…I don’t have to listen to anyone that wears pubic hair above their upper lip…this is a democracy, a word Bush just looked up on Wikipedia when attempting to rewrite his bio…the Obama-Bush linkage is about inspiration…both are a reflection that ANYTHING is possible…hardy har har…remind self to look up the origins of “hardy har har” and raise a Guinness pint to the mo fo inventor…and for now, and in the spirit of the recent history made, I raise this cup of Sunday Mo Jo to you Mr. President…Obama too…and there’s a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…

...the Writers of Behind the Times...

…the writers of the Guild are on strike…and you can’t see behind the picket signs, but Alex Rodriguez is somewhere in there striking as well…and you can’t see behind “living in the now”, but movie and television writers are behind that…and behind the times man…as you noticed, my last blog post was on August 22nd…I’ve HAD BEEN striking since…people ask me what I’ve been up to…I tell them I’ve been striking…and they insist, asking ‘bout my aspirations of being a writer…what else have I been up to…well if YOU people must know…I’ve busy…balding…I’m an aspiring bald man…what else?...well, balding takes up much time and that is my aspiration at the moment…once I achieve this, I will get a career…don’t worry…blogging is no career so you’all can look forward to more frequent posts…maybe they might even be Daily…like Nuggets were meant to be…

...Sunday Mo Jo with a flow of a Ben Harper show...

…that is the best 40 minutes of music I have ever heard…now, before you jump the gun, or anything else one must jump in order to get their hands on Harper’s “Lifeline”…I am not saying this is the best 40 minutes of music I’ve ever heard…I may have made that statement because I’m high on sleep deprivation…or maybe the music I just listened to was really that good…I’ll have to take a cat nap (equivalent to a half dozen people naps…which is also the same as 6 naps, but humans like to sophisticate their speech up while achieving nothing really)…a cat nap to give more validity to this…I’m into music that makes you depressed while uplifts a cracker too…other albums that give this feel are: Van Morrison’s “Moodance”…and Cat Power’s “The Greatest”…however, those two artists and albums, I did not anticipate…Morrison is a musician that my father passed onto my brother and I…raise your Guinness pints for Irishmen…-“Moodance” was my first impression of him…and the same goes for Cat Power’s “Greatest”…on the other hand, I have been listening to Ben Harper’s music since I sucked my thumb…which brings me, a Ben Harper fan for approx. 5 years…I’m 25?...I’ve been anticipating Ben’s new one since his last one…not that his last, “Both Sides of the Gun”, wasn’t good…I’m just a greedy fan and “we want more Benjamen!”…the whole reason I’m writing this, other than my sleeping skills deceased, is because “Lifeline” delivered…it’s his best album yet…I like all of his albums, but I love “Diamonds on the Inside”, and “There Will Be A Light” with The Blind Boys of Alabama…good news is, I like “Lifeline”, after one listen, the most…there is nothing like waiting for an album and having it exceed expectations…that’s what my parents say about their child writing this…or what ladies have also said during yearly “Sarcastic Days”…this album, recorded in a Paris studio, was completed in 7 days, or one more day than a half dozen…so I’m gonna give this a week listen and write back hopefully to confirm this…how come the ladies haven’t called back to confirm theirs?...I’ll get back to ya in 7 days…the actual album comes out August 28th, next Tuesday…but you don’t have to look too hard to hear it online…BUY The Real Thing though…and there’s a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…

...excuse me...I didn't fart...do you have a permit?...

...I was on the street yesterday handing out flyers...flyers for what?...well, we'll get into that later...but I was minding my business and a police officer came up to me and asked if I had a permit...I countered that request by asking the officer if he had a permit...and after some commotion I did the locomotion and pulled out my permit...not my permit to hand out the flyers...but a permit I recently received...a permit that allows me to ask a person if they have a permit to ask me if I have a permit...the officer did not and I don't expect to be hasseled by The Man again...although, I think I made a friend and expect to see him at my Asian Delight Fantasy Draft...