Philosophy Class...or is it?...

All of you are correct by assuming I am a great debater.  What does it take to be a great debater?  Thanks for asking.  It takes being a philosopher.

I teach a philosophy class at Columbia University and debates often spark.  Other than the whispered debate amongst students about - how the hell did this weak black woman (referring to me) get to teach this course, this class dives into - the mysteries of life.  For example, let’s reenact one of our greatest debates.  As always, I played the moderator...or did I?


ME:  Ok, welcome to today’s class.  Let’s jump right into our debate.  I hope both sides are prepared.  Today is the day that all those years of preparing to be prepared pays off.

We’ll start with each side's opening argument and see where it takes us...I hope all of you stretched your hamstrings.  Let's start off with this side.

(point to left side and ask):  

What is your side's opening argument?

Left side:  Life sucks.

(Repeat while shifting eyes toward right side):

Life sucks…ok, and can we have your side's opening argument?

Right side:  But it gets better.

Me:  Ah, but it gets better.

(pause and act interested; then point to each side and repeat arguments)

Life sucks…but it gets better…

Ok, I’d like each side to repeat their opening arguments so we can really emphasize where each side truly stands.

(have each side repeat arguments; then say):

That’s interesting…life sucks…but it gets better.

(then have right side go first, asking):

Is there anything you’d like to add.

Right side:  Life gets better.

Me:  Ah, life gets better...Would the other side like to counter?

Left side:  But it sucks.


Me:  I have heard both sides and they are each compelling arguments.  Once again, we had:

Life sucks, countered by - but it gets better...

And then we had:

Life gets better, countered by - but it sucks...

Very interesting...I have come to the conclusion that life doesn't necessarily suck - but it's not getting better either...

...life just is...or is it?

Health Insurance for the soul...

Politicians lie.  We will see if Barry Obama lied to me about health insurance and helping me out with that bladder problem.  But, all politicians do lie.  And they should…because it seems to work.  They should run for office based on the greatest lie of all time - by telling kids they can grow up to be anything they want to be.  Like Barry Obama is in the position to tell anyone this.  Parents and teachers tell children this and the outcome is that none of them become what they want to become...

...maybe the opposite might work.  Tell kids they won't become anything and they will revolt like the 60s and become everything they want to be…because that’s what happened in the 60s.  That revolution really worked out for everybody.                           (peace sign)

Now, personally, I've been telling myself I won't become what I want my whole life.  Looking in that mirror I say, “Garrett you will become nothing.”  So far so good because I'm thirty - so my life is half over and I'm the farthest I can be from what I'd like to be...what I dream to be...I'll tell you what that is shortly.

So, like Barry Obama said – hope – it’s still alive...as long as everyone continues to bet with me...bet with me - by lying to me that I can become everything I want.  Because I know they lying...telling me I can become anything is a lie...at least coming from people like politicians and my family and friends...and the thing is, politicians know they lying, too...so, what they must truly believe is the truth – is that I will be like everyone else - by not becoming what I want...and so the “real” truth must be the opposite of what politicians truly believe.  Therefore, the real truth must be the politician’s lie…in this case…and so, the only way to interpret this is – is that I can become anything and everything I want to become.  It's like reality Halloween, everyday...and you may not think this is coming from someone with much soul...but one day I will become what I want and stand before you – as a strong black woman.  And not even a politician can lie and tell the masses that they ain't got soul...

...And that's what's up, Brooklyn!